Women, know your place

Today is International Women's Day. Now, I don't know much about it, but I'm hoping that it serves to raise awareness and make some positive changes in the lives of oppressed and abused women the world over.

(It's clearly a hot topic, because the official website isn't loading...)

Anyway, women's rights aren't what I intended to write about, but it is timely because I have been mulling over a subject for blogging for a couple of days, since receiving an interesting email...

One of my pet gripes is 'Women in Business'. No, no - not the women themselves. I'm trying to be one, after all. But the groups, forums, seminars, books, etc. that are abundant and supposedly cater for the 'special needs' of women who want to succeed in a man's world. I don't really understand what these groups, especially, are trying to achieve. Surely, by setting yourself apart as a woman (rather than a person) trying to achieve your goals and become successful, you are, by definition, alienating yourself to some extent. Of course, there is still inequality in pay and prospects between men and women, and so there needs to be some kind of lobbying/action group to address this issue. But shouldn't men and women be campaigning for this? I believe in equal rights for everybody, and any group promoting women above men is surely guilty of positive discrimination.

Now, I've worked for men and I've worked for women. Some were great to work for, some not so much. The difference had nothing to do with gender. It was that they were different people. The idea that a female boss is more supportive of her 'sister' subordinates is surely a fallacy. An ambitious woman can be far more cut-throat than any man, in my experience. You might say that a woman has to be twice as ruthless than a man to succeed. Perhaps that's true in some circumstances, but it's not the way I would want to live my life. Being part of a women's group that favours others of the same sex just feels a little hypocritical to me. My main issue is with networking groups. There's nothing wrong with a bit of 'you-scratch-my-back-and-I'll-scratch-yours', but to do that based on gender doesn't sit comfortably with me. Do it based on merit, on shared ideals, or on geography (support your local economy).

Having said all of that, I appreciate that I'm possibly (no, probably) quite naive. I'm not an ambitious go-getter. I've never hit a glass ceiling. I've never knowingly been the victim of discrimination in the workplace. I have been to a 'Women in Business' event. It was made up of a number of seminars - mostly interesting stuff: how to deal with conflict; how to have difficult conversations; how to be more assertive. You get the drift. All helpful and informative, but nothing that wouldn't be just as useful to a man. Not once, in any of the seminars, was anything female-specific mentioned. But there was one subject that I can't imagine making it into a 'Men in Business' event (would you even get such a thing without cries of "sexism"?). That one seminar was entitled 'Feng Shui Your Office'. Yes, interior design to positively enhance the energy flow in your workspace. Serious business women care about that stuff...

So, to the email I received which prompted this musing. Despite what I've said above, I have put a tentative toe in the waters of networking groups. It's something I feel I really must do if I'm serious about getting my own business off the ground. I'm terrified of networking - it goes against all my instincts to walk into a room full of strangers and tell them how great I am. But someone recommended The Athena Network to me as a friendly introduction to the business networking scene. I thought I'd have a look at their website, and I had to sign up to see any real information. I'm still not sure about it, and none of the events are particularly local, so I haven't done anything about it yet. However, I'm now on their mailing list, and emails come through every few days with details of upcoming events.

Last week, one such email appeared in my inbox. The subject line said, "New Community Event: Angels and Ascended Masters circle." I read that a couple of times, then thought I really needed to click on the link to see whether it was really what it sounded like. Yes it was. Angels (as in Guardian, or Michael) and Ascended Masters (Buddha). Now, each to their own. I have no issue with such things. I understand that people might be keen to "develop their 4 clairs" (clairvoyance, clairaudience, clairsentience and claircognizance - but you knew that) and "work directly with the Angelic Realm and Ascended Masters". I don't believe a word of it, but I understand there are people who do. However, what does this have to do with business? What place does this have in an organisation that says it "offers inspiring opportunities to engage with business owners and decision makers from diverse industry sectors". It is surely this very thing that can undermine women in business. It is feng shui and angels and pink websites that can set women apart, and I'm having none of it.

Nudge, nudge, wink, wink, say no more...

So, half term holiday's coming up. Money's tight and we haven't done a lot lately. It would be nice to have a day out - a proper outing to somewhere we wouldn't normally go to.

Thomas is hard to please these days. He's a teenager after all, and all he really wants to do is stay in and play video games. So I need to win him over. I get out my book 'Bollocks to Alton Towers' which gives details of some lesser known and (sometimes) typically Britishly eccentric places to visit. It includes places like Barometer World and Williamson's Tunnels. It also includes the Kelvedon Hatch Secret Nuclear Bunker at Brentwood in Essex.

Now this is right up Thomas's street, so I suggested a visit. He seemed keen. Perfect.

Ah... According to their website they are only open Thursday-Sunday during the winter months. I'd ideally like to go on a Tuesday or Wednesday, when I don't work. But, not to worry, they say they are usually open during school holidays and half term. Of course, half term can vary depending on area, so the sensible thing to do, before committing to the hour and a half drive, is to drop them a line and check. Oh lovely - they have an email address on their contact page, so they obviously are happy to receive emails. I sent a nice polite message: "We're planning a trip and would just like to check if you will be opening, etc., etc.". I just got a message back:

I guess we will be. m

Right. That's not exactly definitive, is it? The whole secret thing is probably difficult to shake off, but I would have expected a more helpful answer. Even a "we don't know yet, best to phone nearer the time" would have at least meant I know where I stand.

And is that the same "m" portrayed by Judi Dench? She's in charge of secret stuff...

I want to write straight back: "Can you see how that doesn't really help me?". But I won't. I never do! I think I'll just phone nearer the time...

It won't change me... much...

With mind-boggling lottery wins in the news recently, it made me think about how my life would change if I did win the jackpot (or even half the jackpot - I'm not greedy!). And, as so often happens(!), I was inspired to put my thoughts into something resembling a poem, but without the pesky contraints of rhyme...

If I win the lottery, I'll still have a messy house
Because it's not a lack of money that makes me untidy.

If I win the lottery, I'll still have an empty fridge
Because it's not poverty that makes me hate going to Tescos.

If I win the lottery, I'll still waste loads of time

Because it's not being skint that makes me prone to
procrastination.

If I win the lottery, I'll still be overweight
Because it's not a shortage of funds that makes me eat chocolate.

If I win the lottery, I'll still have bad hair days
Because it's not being poor that makes my hair so thick and curly.

If I win the lottery, I'll still be the same person,
But in a bigger house.

Now, I'd better go and buy my ticket, because I'd like a bigger house...

C'est la vie

I'll warn you first off that this is a rant. A blog
rant. A blant.

I've never given too much thought about so-called scroungers and benefit cheats, I just know that I want to do the best I can to pay my own way, but that I've been a taxpayer since I was 17 and so I'm entitled to some help if I need it. My prolonged period of 'unemployment' has, however, given me a new perspective. I now believe that scroungers and benefit cheats must be the cleverest people in the world - how they manage to get money to live on from such a complex and obstructive system has to be a work of genius.

Here's the thing: I'm currently working 15 hours per week. I'm still classed as a jobseeker, because you have to be working over 16 hours per week to be classed as having a job. I'm paid more than the benefits I'd receive, so I don't receive any (though my income is still low, so I qualify for help with Council Tax, and Thomas gets free school meals. Well, free school meals as long as he only wants something that costs £1.85 or less, but I'm not quibbling with that...). Every 2 weeks I go to sign on at the Job Centre (or, to be correct, Job Centre Plus. I don't think this is like a deluxe Job Centre or anything - I think they're all called that. I expect there was some expensive 'rebranding' a few years ago...). Now, even though I don't get benefit, I still sign on because it means my National Insurance is covered so I - in theory - won't have to worry if I'm unable to work in the future through ill health or disability. Though, as I'm self-employed, I pay some National Insurance to cover my pension, so part of it is being paid twice. Oh, and if I do go back to work (i.e. work one more hour per week) I get a Job Grant to help pay for my power suits, or something. (Incidentally, this used to be called the Back to Work Bonus, but it also got rebranded, apparently, some time during the last 6 months...) And I nearly forgot, I can also get half-price train travel. Which is nice. But I haven't claimed that because I don't need it, even though you don't have to need it to claim it.

So, anyhoo. Last week I took the half term off and Thomas and I went to France, to visit friends. As luck would have it, the trip coincided with a sign on day, so I had to tell them I couldn't sign on because I'd be away. (This has happened before when I went on holiday last year but, as I was staying in the country and was still looking for work while I was away [wink] I could just be excused from signing. The [wink] was not mine by the way, but the Job Centre Plus lady's.) This time round, because I was leaving the country, I had to sign off. I filled in a form to tell them I was only signing off because I was out of the country for a week, but apparently that doesn't filter through. The first working day I was back I had to sign on again - something called a 'rapid reclaim' - hah!

So, since I've been back I've had 5 separate (first class) letters from the Department of Work and Pensions relating to the fact that I've signed off, including a P45.

I've had to have a 15-minute telephone interview about the reason I'm signing on again and to check whether any of my circumstances have changed.

I've had to have a 45 minute interview at the Job Centre Plus to go over the same information from the telephone interview and to reschedule my fortnightly signing on. We also re-visited my 'Jobseeker Agreement' that I have to adhere to so that I qualify for Jobseeker benefit that I don't get because I'm earning. This, incidentally, is a Jobseeker Agreement that had been updated in another interview I'd had the week before I went away.

Now today I have received a letter from the council that my Council Tax benefit has been suspended because they have reason to believe I shouldn't be getting it. Presumably (and hopefully) this is because it's filtered through to them that I'd signed off and it hasn't yet filtered through that I'd signed on again. I admit that it didn't occur to me to phone the council and tell them my travel plans...

I totally understand that measures are needed to prevent cheating, but this seems so extreme. After all, I told them when I'd be away and I could have just gone and signed on again as soon as I was back. The week I was away would rightly not have qualified for Jobseeker benefit - but I don't get any anyway! And, my understanding is that if you go on holiday in the UK, you can have up to two weeks a year when you don't have to be actively jobseeking, i.e. a holiday! Considering I had milk in my fridge from before I went away that was still in date, it seems that the amount of paper, postage and time that has been used up is totally disproportionate.

However, I will look at it from the perspective that I am creating employment whilst still not getting benefit and paying tax and NI. I should go on holiday more often...

Blant over. End of blant. Thank you.

Yesterday, my first post seemed so far away...

The big four?Oh!

I've just realised that yesterday was my fourth bloggiversary.

Four years: one hundred and sixty four posts. That's an average of fourty a year; three point four a month; one and a half a fourtnight. That's not so bad four a lackadaisical blogger like me!

Here are four not-quite-randomly selected posts to mark the milestone:-

Insert witty pun... - this makes me happy because I'd forgotten it had happened!

On reflection - to mark my 6-month bloggiversary I made a couple of lists. I'm amused to see that the 'things I want to do in the next 6 months' list could have been written yesterday.

On reflection - same title, very different post. When Thomas first struck out on his own - it's more than 2 years ago, but I remember it like it was yesterday.

End of an EAra - "take a few months off"... 19 months later...

In four years' time, I will be fourty-four, Thomas will be
17 (eek!) and that's about all I'm willing to fourcast.

Good hair day

I think it's fair to say that I don't blog very often because most of the time, when I think of something to write, I'm complaining or being cynical. Much as I enjoy a good moan, in my heart I'm an 'if-you-can't-say-something-nice,-say-nothing' sort of person. I genuinely believe in the power of positive thinking, even though it's not always my first instinct.

But today, saying something nice and thinking positively are no trouble. Today is one of those days when all's right in my world, even the stuff that's wrong.

It would be great to know why some days are like this, but who knows? The weather helps - today is a bright, sunny, not-a-cloud-in-the-sky, nearly-autumn day. But so was yesterday, and I didn't feel like this. It's Friday, of course, but it's Friday this time every week...

The day started as normal - my alarm went off at 7am and I 'snoozed' it 3 times, so I got up at 7:27. (I have no idea why a 'snooze' is 9 minutes, but it is!) Thomas has his alarm set for 7:30, so this means I get to wake him up just before his alarm every morning. This gives him the impression that he gets a sneaky lie-in between me waking him and him getting up when his alarm goes off. I don't think he's realised that it's only 2 minutes...

I'd worked a couple of extra hours during the week, so I decided that I'd have a shorter day today and treat myself to lunch at the Wimpy. I even remembered to take my book with me so I didn't have to resort to buying Heat magazine (which is full of 'celebrities' I've never heard of and makes me feel about 100!).

My journey into work didn't start well when someone pulled out in front of me on the roundabout, then failed to pull away. I had to slam on my brakes, which would normally have left me cross and muttering. However, the driver sheepishly waved his hand in a 'sorry' and, when I pulled up next to him at the traffic lights, I turned and smiled and he let me go first. Rainy Days and Mondays was playing on the radio at the time - it being neither, I was free to happily sing along without getting 'down', and anyway, you try being grumpy to the sound of The Carpenters! (Except possibly Calling Occupants of Interplanetary Craft...)

I was on my own in the office today and had a really productive morning. I had all the windows open and the radio turned up, and every song that was played was summery and upbeat. I even managed not to forget to drink my tea, which I usually do at least once a day!

I almost managed to leave work when I'd intended, and was good and properly hungry when I got to the Wimpy. Lovely Wimpy man (not his real name...) knew my order (I only go in there once or twice a month at most - honest - but he always remembers!) and my cup of coffee and glass of water was on my table even before I found my place in my book. My book was absorbing, my food was delicious and when I'd finished eating he brought me another cup of coffee - on the house! To cap it all, they were playing The Beach Boys - more can't-fail-to-make-you-feel-good music.

Even Tesco couldn't spoil my great mood: I bought some new (drinking) glasses which were a huge bargain; I remembered to buy something trivial that I'd been forgetting to buy for about two months; I got the last two packs of yummy spare ribs; the checkout lady was friendly and chatty.

So now I'm home to an empty house. Thomas has gone fishing, apparently. That's what his note said, anyway. I'm assuming that he's actually gone fishing, rather than leaving me mildly profound notes... Such is my mood that I'm picturing him Huckleberry Finn-like, bare-footed and straw-hatted. Anyone who knows Thomas will appreciate how far removed from reality this picture is - he's more 'EMO' than 'Huck' - but I'm choosing to think of him enjoying the carefree childhood that I'd wish for him, rather than dwelling on the fact that I don't quite know where he is, and he can't really swim...

So, that's my day. I have my iTunes 'Happy' playlist on random. I am untroubled by the tidying, cleaning and decorating that need doing. I may take advantage of the remaining sunshine and sit outside with my book for a while.

I'll leave you with these wise words from the great Hanson: "Mmm bop, ba duba dop, ba duba dop, ba duba dop, ba duba dop, ba duba dop, ba du." I think we can all relate to that...

How would you do...?

Devon, Denbies and Dinosaurs

What I Did On My Holidays

by

Joanne Moore (aged 40¼)

Devon

On my holidays this year I went away to Devon with my Dad and Thomas. We stayed in a cottage in Lynmouth, on the north coast of the county. Lynmouth is a pretty village that hit the headlines in August 1952 when a flash flood destroyed many of the buildings and claimed 34 lives. Rebuilt now, of course, it is a busy tourist spot during the day, but is peaceful in the evenings when the day trippers disappear.

Our cottage was on the bank of the West Lyn river - it's hard to imagine now that a hydro-electric power station used to stand between the cottage and the river's edge...

Our cottage was the middle of the three tall cottages, just above the bridge, in the centre of the picture.

We had good weather for most of the week (just a couple of days of rain). The views from Lynmouth harbour are stunning.

Out of shot, to the left, is Wales...

Lynmouth is linked to its clifftop sister village, Lynton, by a Victorian water-powered cliff railway - way ahead of its time with its green credentials!

The Lynton and Lynmouth Cliff Railway


Obligatory pretty sunset picture...


Lynmouth by night

Lynton can also be reached via a zig-zag path up the cliff. I decided to take the train up and walk down. However, there was a huge queue for the train and I thought "How hard can it be?". It was very hard. One steep zig-zag after another! I almost made it to the top, but when I was presented with a 'down' fork I had to take it, convincing myself that a circular route made much more sense than just getting to the top and coming back again. I stopped frequently to take pictures - it was so pretty (and I was so exhausted!). I rewarded myself back at the bottom with a proper Devon cream tea - I deserved it!

It's steeper than it looks - honest!

The just-too-tempting 'down' option.

On one of the rainy days we wandered over to Glen Lyn Gorge, and took a walk up the river. My parents visited here on their honeymoon, 46 years ago (practically to the day).

Thomas (reluctantly) and Dad. We have pictures of Mum and Dad in this very spot in 1963!

Just to maintain the illusion of an active holiday (it wasn't...), we spent our last afternoon on the village putting green.

Denbies

We decided to have a day trip out to see the Lego house being built by James May at Denbies Vineyard near Dorking. It turned out to be quite a way away, and Thomas wasn't up for the trek, so we took the tour and just enjoyed the views.

Overlooking part of the vineyard to Dorking

The Lego house, under construction

Dinosaurs

On bank holiday Monday we had tickets to see the Walking With Dinosaurs arena show at Wembley. It was the first time I'd come close to the new stadium...

I thought the show was fun. The dinosaurs were big and as realistic as you could hope for, though the over-dramatic music was a bit much. It's hard to judge the scale of these things when you're in an arena, but there was a (real) man on stage for the whole show, so you could tell just how big and impressive the dinosaurs were. I, unlike most other people, followed the instructions for 'no flash photography', so my pictures aren't great, but they give you an idea...

Stegosaurus (probably). The 'rocks' in the middle are about twice the height of a man, to give you an idea of scale...

The Tyrannosaurus Rex was the finale (naturally). The 'mechanics' that made them walk, crudely disguised as rocks, were soon forgotten because the rest of the movements were so well done. See the teeny tiny man? Out of shot is a 'baby' T-Rex, which provided a comedy element that was possibly not quite historically accurate...

So, that was what I did on my holidays. (I'm not mentioning the flu...)