Nothing Much Will Happen

Women, know your place

2010-03-08T15:40:00.000Z

Today is International Women's Day. Now, I don't know much about it, but I'm hoping that it serves to raise awareness and make some positive changes in the lives of oppressed and abused women the world over.

(It's clearly a hot topic, because the official website isn't loading...)

Anyway, women's rights aren't what I intended to write about, but it is timely because I have been mulling over a subject for blogging for a couple of days, since receiving an interesting email...

One of my pet gripes is 'Women in Business'. No, no - not the women themselves. I'm trying to be one, after all. But the groups, forums, seminars, books, etc. that are abundant and supposedly cater for the 'special needs' of women who want to succeed in a man's world. I don't really understand what these groups, especially, are trying to achieve. Surely, by setting yourself apart as a woman (rather than a person) trying to achieve your goals and become successful, you are, by definition, alienating yourself to some extent. Of course, there is still inequality in pay and prospects between men and women, and so there needs to be some kind of lobbying/action group to address this issue. But shouldn't men and women be campaigning for this? I believe in equal rights for everybody, and any group promoting women above men is surely guilty of positive discrimination.

Now, I've worked for men and I've worked for women. Some were great to work for, some not so much. The difference had nothing to do with gender. It was that they were different people. The idea that a female boss is more supportive of her 'sister' subordinates is surely a fallacy. An ambitious woman can be far more cut-throat than any man, in my experience. You might say that a woman has to be twice as ruthless than a man to succeed. Perhaps that's true in some circumstances, but it's not the way I would want to live my life. Being part of a women's group that favours others of the same sex just feels a little hypocritical to me. My main issue is with networking groups. There's nothing wrong with a bit of 'you-scratch-my-back-and-I'll-scratch-yours', but to do that based on gender doesn't sit comfortably with me. Do it based on merit, on shared ideals, or on geography (support your local economy).

Having said all of that, I appreciate that I'm possibly (no, probably) quite naive. I'm not an ambitious go-getter. I've never hit a glass ceiling. I've never knowingly been the victim of discrimination in the workplace. I have been to a 'Women in Business' event. It was made up of a number of seminars - mostly interesting stuff: how to deal with conflict; how to have difficult conversations; how to be more assertive. You get the drift. All helpful and informative, but nothing that wouldn't be just as useful to a man. Not once, in any of the seminars, was anything female-specific mentioned. But there was one subject that I can't imagine making it into a 'Men in Business' event (would you even get such a thing without cries of "sexism"?). That one seminar was entitled 'Feng Shui Your Office'. Yes, interior design to positively enhance the energy flow in your workspace. Serious business women care about that stuff...

So, to the email I received which prompted this musing. Despite what I've said above, I have put a tentative toe in the waters of networking groups. It's something I feel I really must do if I'm serious about getting my own business off the ground. I'm terrified of networking - it goes against all my instincts to walk into a room full of strangers and tell them how great I am. But someone recommended The Athena Network to me as a friendly introduction to the business networking scene. I thought I'd have a look at their website, and I had to sign up to see any real information. I'm still not sure about it, and none of the events are particularly local, so I haven't done anything about it yet. However, I'm now on their mailing list, and emails come through every few days with details of upcoming events.

Last week, one such email appeared in my inbox. The subject line said, "New Community Event: Angels and Ascended Masters circle." I read that a couple of times, then thought I really needed to click on the link to see whether it was really what it sounded like. Yes it was. Angels (as in Guardian, or Michael) and Ascended Masters (Buddha). Now, each to their own. I have no issue with such things. I understand that people might be keen to "develop their 4 clairs" (clairvoyance, clairaudience, clairsentience and claircognizance - but you knew that) and "work directly with the Angelic Realm and Ascended Masters". I don't believe a word of it, but I understand there are people who do. However, what does this have to do with business? What place does this have in an organisation that says it "offers inspiring opportunities to engage with business owners and decision makers from diverse industry sectors". It is surely this very thing that can undermine women in business. It is feng shui and angels and pink websites that can set women apart, and I'm having none of it.

Nudge, nudge, wink, wink, say no more...

2010-02-05T22:30:00.005Z

So, half term holiday's coming up. Money's tight and we haven't done a lot lately. It would be nice to have a day out - a proper outing to somewhere we wouldn't normally go to.

Thomas is hard to please these days. He's a teenager after all, and all he really wants to do is stay in and play video games. So I need to win him over. I get out my book 'Bollocks to Alton Towers' which gives details of some lesser known and (sometimes) typically Britishly eccentric places to visit. It includes places like Barometer World and Williamson's Tunnels. It also includes the Kelvedon Hatch Secret Nuclear Bunker at Brentwood in Essex.

Now this is right up Thomas's street, so I suggested a visit. He seemed keen. Perfect.

Ah... According to their website they are only open Thursday-Sunday during the winter months. I'd ideally like to go on a Tuesday or Wednesday, when I don't work. But, not to worry, they say they are usually open during school holidays and half term. Of course, half term can vary depending on area, so the sensible thing to do, before committing to the hour and a half drive, is to drop them a line and check. Oh lovely - they have an email address on their contact page, so they obviously are happy to receive emails. I sent a nice polite message: "We're planning a trip and would just like to check if you will be opening, etc., etc.". I just got a message back:

I guess we will be. m

Right. That's not exactly definitive, is it? The whole secret thing is probably difficult to shake off, but I would have expected a more helpful answer. Even a "we don't know yet, best to phone nearer the time" would have at least meant I know where I stand.

And is that the same "m" portrayed by Judi Dench? She's in charge of secret stuff...

I want to write straight back: "Can you see how that doesn't really help me?". But I won't. I never do! I think I'll just phone nearer the time...

It won't change me... much...

2009-11-14T11:11:00.002Z

With mind-boggling lottery wins in the news recently, it made me think about how my life would change if I did win the jackpot (or even half the jackpot - I'm not greedy!). And, as so often happens(!), I was inspired to put my thoughts into something resembling a poem, but without the pesky contraints of rhyme...

If I win the lottery, I'll still have a messy house
Because it's not a lack of money that makes me untidy.

If I win the lottery, I'll still have an empty fridge
Because it's not poverty that makes me hate going to Tescos.

If I win the lottery, I'll still waste loads of time
Because it's not being skint that makes me prone to
procrastination.

If I win the lottery, I'll still be overweight
Because it's not a shortage of funds that makes me eat chocolate.

If I win the lottery, I'll still have bad hair days
Because it's not being poor that makes my hair so thick and curly.

If I win the lottery, I'll still be the same person,
But in a bigger house.

Now, I'd better go and buy my ticket, because I'd like a bigger house...

C'est la vie

2009-11-06T18:33:00.004Z

I'll warn you first off that this is a rant. A blog
rant. A blant.

I've never given too much thought about so-called scroungers and benefit cheats, I just know that I want to do the best I can to pay my own way, but that I've been a taxpayer since I was 17 and so I'm entitled to some help if I need it. My prolonged period of 'unemployment' has, however, given me a new perspective. I now believe that scroungers and benefit cheats must be the cleverest people in the world - how they manage to get money to live on from such a complex and obstructive system has to be a work of genius.

Here's the thing: I'm currently working 15 hours per week. I'm still classed as a jobseeker, because you have to be working over 16 hours per week to be classed as having a job. I'm paid more than the benefits I'd receive, so I don't receive any (though my income is still low, so I qualify for help with Council Tax, and Thomas gets free school meals. Well, free school meals as long as he only wants something that costs £1.85 or less, but I'm not quibbling with that...). Every 2 weeks I go to sign on at the Job Centre (or, to be correct, Job Centre Plus. I don't think this is like a deluxe Job Centre or anything - I think they're all called that. I expect there was some expensive 'rebranding' a few years ago...). Now, even though I don't get benefit, I still sign on because it means my National Insurance is covered so I - in theory - won't have to worry if I'm unable to work in the future through ill health or disability. Though, as I'm self-employed, I pay some National Insurance to cover my pension, so part of it is being paid twice. Oh, and if I do go back to work (i.e. work one more hour per week) I get a Job Grant to help pay for my power suits, or something. (Incidentally, this used to be called the Back to Work Bonus, but it also got rebranded, apparently, some time during the last 6 months...) And I nearly forgot, I can also get half-price train travel. Which is nice. But I haven't claimed that because I don't need it, even though you don't have to need it to claim it.

So, anyhoo. Last week I took the half term off and Thomas and I went to France, to visit friends. As luck would have it, the trip coincided with a sign on day, so I had to tell them I couldn't sign on because I'd be away. (This has happened before when I went on holiday last year but, as I was staying in the country and was still looking for work while I was away [wink] I could just be excused from signing. The [wink] was not mine by the way, but the Job Centre Plus lady's.) This time round, because I was leaving the country, I had to sign off. I filled in a form to tell them I was only signing off because I was out of the country for a week, but apparently that doesn't filter through. The first working day I was back I had to sign on again - something called a 'rapid reclaim' - hah!

So, since I've been back I've had 5 separate (first class) letters from the Department of Work and Pensions relating to the fact that I've signed off, including a P45.

I've had to have a 15-minute telephone interview about the reason I'm signing on again and to check whether any of my circumstances have changed.

I've had to have a 45 minute interview at the Job Centre Plus to go over the same information from the telephone interview and to reschedule my fortnightly signing on. We also re-visited my 'Jobseeker Agreement' that I have to adhere to so that I qualify for Jobseeker benefit that I don't get because I'm earning. This, incidentally, is a Jobseeker Agreement that had been updated in another interview I'd had the week before I went away.

Now today I have received a letter from the council that my Council Tax benefit has been suspended because they have reason to believe I shouldn't be getting it. Presumably (and hopefully) this is because it's filtered through to them that I'd signed off and it hasn't yet filtered through that I'd signed on again. I admit that it didn't occur to me to phone the council and tell them my travel plans...

I totally understand that measures are needed to prevent cheating, but this seems so extreme. After all, I told them when I'd be away and I could have just gone and signed on again as soon as I was back. The week I was away would rightly not have qualified for Jobseeker benefit - but I don't get any anyway! And, my understanding is that if you go on holiday in the UK, you can have up to two weeks a year when you don't have to be actively jobseeking, i.e. a holiday! Considering I had milk in my fridge from before I went away that was still in date, it seems that the amount of paper, postage and time that has been used up is totally disproportionate.

However, I will look at it from the perspective that I am creating employment whilst still not getting benefit and paying tax and NI. I should go on holiday more often...

Blant over. End of blant. Thank you.

Yesterday, my first post seemed so far away...

2009-09-25T18:26:00.002+01:00

The big four?Oh!

I've just realised that yesterday was my fourth bloggiversary.

Four years: one hundred and sixty four posts. That's an average of fourty a year; three point four a month; one and a half a fourtnight. That's not so bad four a lackadaisical blogger like me!

Here are four not-quite-randomly selected posts to mark the milestone:-

Insert witty pun... - this makes me happy because I'd forgotten it had happened!

On reflection - to mark my 6-month bloggiversary I made a couple of lists. I'm amused to see that the 'things I want to do in the next 6 months' list could have been written yesterday.

On reflection - same title, very different post. When Thomas first struck out on his own - it's more than 2 years ago, but I remember it like it was yesterday.

End of an EAra - "take a few months off"... 19 months later...

In four years' time, I will be fourty-four, Thomas will be
17 (eek!) and that's about all I'm willing to fourcast.

Good hair day

2009-09-25T16:20:00.004+01:00

I think it's fair to say that I don't blog very often because most of the time, when I think of something to write, I'm complaining or being cynical. Much as I enjoy a good moan, in my heart I'm an 'if-you-can't-say-something-nice,-say-nothing' sort of person. I genuinely believe in the power of positive thinking, even though it's not always my first instinct.

But today, saying something nice and thinking positively are no trouble. Today is one of those days when all's right in my world, even the stuff that's wrong.

It would be great to know why some days are like this, but who knows? The weather helps - today is a bright, sunny, not-a-cloud-in-the-sky, nearly-autumn day. But so was yesterday, and I didn't feel like this. It's Friday, of course, but it's Friday this time every week...

The day started as normal - my alarm went off at 7am and I 'snoozed' it 3 times, so I got up at 7:27. (I have no idea why a 'snooze' is 9 minutes, but it is!) Thomas has his alarm set for 7:30, so this means I get to wake him up just before his alarm every morning. This gives him the impression that he gets a sneaky lie-in between me waking him and him getting up when his alarm goes off. I don't think he's realised that it's only 2 minutes...

I'd worked a couple of extra hours during the week, so I decided that I'd have a shorter day today and treat myself to lunch at the Wimpy. I even remembered to take my book with me so I didn't have to resort to buying Heat magazine (which is full of 'celebrities' I've never heard of and makes me feel about 100!).

My journey into work didn't start well when someone pulled out in front of me on the roundabout, then failed to pull away. I had to slam on my brakes, which would normally have left me cross and muttering. However, the driver sheepishly waved his hand in a 'sorry' and, when I pulled up next to him at the traffic lights, I turned and smiled and he let me go first. Rainy Days and Mondays was playing on the radio at the time - it being neither, I was free to happily sing along without getting 'down', and anyway, you try being grumpy to the sound of The Carpenters! (Except possibly Calling Occupants of Interplanetary Craft...)

I was on my own in the office today and had a really productive morning. I had all the windows open and the radio turned up, and every song that was played was summery and upbeat. I even managed not to forget to drink my tea, which I usually do at least once a day!

I almost managed to leave work when I'd intended, and was good and properly hungry when I got to the Wimpy. Lovely Wimpy man (not his real name...) knew my order (I only go in there once or twice a month at most - honest - but he always remembers!) and my cup of coffee and glass of water was on my table even before I found my place in my book. My book was absorbing, my food was delicious and when I'd finished eating he brought me another cup of coffee - on the house! To cap it all, they were playing The Beach Boys - more can't-fail-to-make-you-feel-good music.

Even Tesco couldn't spoil my great mood: I bought some new (drinking) glasses which were a huge bargain; I remembered to buy something trivial that I'd been forgetting to buy for about two months; I got the last two packs of yummy spare ribs; the checkout lady was friendly and chatty.

So now I'm home to an empty house. Thomas has gone fishing, apparently. That's what his note said, anyway. I'm assuming that he's actually gone fishing, rather than leaving me mildly profound notes... Such is my mood that I'm picturing him Huckleberry Finn-like, bare-footed and straw-hatted. Anyone who knows Thomas will appreciate how far removed from reality this picture is - he's more 'EMO' than 'Huck' - but I'm choosing to think of him enjoying the carefree childhood that I'd wish for him, rather than dwelling on the fact that I don't quite know where he is, and he can't really swim...

So, that's my day. I have my iTunes 'Happy' playlist on random. I am untroubled by the tidying, cleaning and decorating that need doing. I may take advantage of the remaining sunshine and sit outside with my book for a while.

I'll leave you with these wise words from the great Hanson: "Mmm bop, ba duba dop, ba duba dop, ba duba dop, ba duba dop, ba duba dop, ba du." I think we can all relate to that...

How would you do...?

2009-09-22T08:13:00.000+01:00

Devon, Denbies and Dinosaurs

2009-09-16T22:48:00.013+01:00

What I Did On My Holidays

Joanne Moore (aged 40¼)

Devon

On my holidays this year I went away to Devon with my Dad and Thomas. We stayed in a cottage in Lynmouth, on the north coast of the county. Lynmouth is a pretty village that hit the headlines in August 1952 when a flash flood destroyed many of the buildings and claimed 34 lives. Rebuilt now, of course, it is a busy tourist spot during the day, but is peaceful in the evenings when the day trippers disappear.

Our cottage was on the bank of the West Lyn river - it's hard to imagine now that a hydro-electric power station used to stand between the cottage and the river's edge...

Our cottage was the middle of the three tall cottages, just above the bridge, in the centre of the picture.

We had good weather for most of the week (just a couple of days of rain). The views from Lynmouth harbour are stunning.

Out of shot, to the left, is Wales...

Lynmouth is linked to its clifftop sister village, Lynton, by a Victorian water-powered cliff railway - way ahead of its time with its green credentials!

The Lynton and Lynmouth Cliff Railway

Obligatory pretty sunset picture...

Lynmouth by night

Lynton can also be reached via a zig-zag path up the cliff. I decided to take the train up and walk down. However, there was a huge queue for the train and I thought "How hard can it be?". It was very hard. One steep zig-zag after another! I almost made it to the top, but when I was presented with a 'down' fork I had to take it, convincing myself that a circular route made much more sense than just getting to the top and coming back again. I stopped frequently to take pictures - it was so pretty (and I was so exhausted!). I rewarded myself back at the bottom with a proper Devon cream tea - I deserved it!

It's steeper than it looks - honest!

The just-too-tempting 'down' option.

On one of the rainy days we wandered over to Glen Lyn Gorge, and took a walk up the river. My parents visited here on their honeymoon, 46 years ago (practically to the day).

Thomas (reluctantly) and Dad. We have pictures of Mum and Dad in this very spot in 1963!

Just to maintain the illusion of an active holiday (it wasn't...), we spent our last afternoon on the village putting green.

Denbies

We decided to have a day trip out to see the Lego house being built by James May at Denbies Vineyard near Dorking. It turned out to be quite a way away, and Thomas wasn't up for the trek, so we took the tour and just enjoyed the views.

Overlooking part of the vineyard to Dorking

The Lego house, under construction

Dinosaurs

On bank holiday Monday we had tickets to see the Walking With Dinosaurs arena show at Wembley. It was the first time I'd come close to the new stadium...

I thought the show was fun. The dinosaurs were big and as realistic as you could hope for, though the over-dramatic music was a bit much. It's hard to judge the scale of these things when you're in an arena, but there was a (real) man on stage for the whole show, so you could tell just how big and impressive the dinosaurs were. I, unlike most other people, followed the instructions for 'no flash photography', so my pictures aren't great, but they give you an idea...

Stegosaurus (probably). The 'rocks' in the middle are about twice the height of a man, to give you an idea of scale...

The Tyrannosaurus Rex was the finale (naturally). The 'mechanics' that made them walk, crudely disguised as rocks, were soon forgotten because the rest of the movements were so well done. See the teeny tiny man? Out of shot is a 'baby' T-Rex, which provided a comedy element that was possibly not quite historically accurate...

So, that was what I did on my holidays. (I'm not mentioning the flu...)

I'm not going to whine about flu

2009-09-05T00:16:00.006+01:00

I've had flu this week. Proper flu. It started as a bad cold. I wasn't going to call it flu. My sinuses were blocked and I felt rubbish, but it was just a cold, and it didn't stop me going to see Walking With Dinosaurs on Monday at Wembley Arena.

And by the time I got home I was feeling grotty (like you do with a stinking cold), but it was just a bad cold and I went to bed a little bit earlier than normal...

...and I had a terrible night. Headache, pain, sore throat, cough, misery. I couldn't get out of bed in the morning, but I still wasn't calling it flu. Oh no. I slept all day and had a high temperature. My eyes hurt, my head hurt, my knees, elbows and toes hurt. OK, I gave in. It was flu. I stayed in bed. I drank plenty of water and took ibuprofen when I couldn't bear the pain any longer. I read a lot. I slept a lot. Mum and Dad brought milk and took Thomas.

But I'm not whining...

By yesterday afternoon I was out of bed, on the sofa and watching TV nonsense. Still 'glowing' and wobbly, with a cough that would usually take a 20-a-day habit to develop, but finally starting to feel better.

So I thought I'd visit the NHS National Pan(ic)demic Flu Service website and see what my symptoms indicated. Could I register myself as an official Swine Flu statistic?

Firstly they check that you're not about to expire. Floppy and unresponsive? No. Having a fit? No. Going blue? No.

All good... So now a quick meningitis check. No rash, no stiff neck. Good.

Am I pregnant? No. Am I undergoing treatment for renal failure? No. Good.

So now we can check that I have flu. If you're interested, you have to have a high temperature. No high temperature, no flu. Then there's a list of your standard symptoms. You have to have at least two of those (plus your high temperature, of course...). Headache, blocked or runny nose, aching muscles, sore throat, etc. (So far I'm passing this test with flying colours - I've got nearly all the symptoms...) OK, so I give them my name and address and then get another list of symptoms. (I should warn you that I'm going to mention phlegm...)

Sharp or stabbing chest pains? Glad I haven't got them. Difficulty breathing so that I am unable to finish a sentence? Well, I'm slightly wheezy and breathless when I move, but I am managing to hold a conversation. Uncharacteristic changes in behaviour such as drowsiness, new confusion or signs of terror? Well, I'm tired but not drowsy, confused by what day it is but that's nothing new for a bank holiday week, and I wince slightly every time I see the state of the kitchen. (So far these symptoms seem like something I'd worry about and I'm glad I don't have them.) Next: thick yellow, green, brown or bloody phlegm. Right, well, my head and lungs are full of the stuff and I confess I looked and saw that it was slightly greenish yellow. You know, just like when you have a cold. So there's just one box to cover a yes or no for any of these symptoms. And I have one of them, so I check 'yes'.

And I'm told to call my GP immediately and send my flu friend to collect my Tamiflu from the nearest collection centre using my authorisation code. OK... Well, I don't really want to bother my GP with my phlegm so I decide to try again, not mentioning my phlegm. But now I've navigated away from the page with my Tamiflu authorisation code (which I didn't write down) and I can't get it back, except possibly by phoning someone, which I don't want to do because I'm not ill enough to tie up someone's time when there might be someone who really needs help. Fortunately I'm starting to feel better and I don't want to risk the side effects of Tamiflu, plus I've stayed at home and have no reason to leave until I'm feeling better.

So I've decided not to act on the advice of the National Pan(ic)demic Flu service. Am I wrong? I get irritated by people who ignore advice and then complain about the consequences, but that's when they're also ignoring common sense (going to busy doctors' surgeries when they've got flu, or calling ambulances).

Anyway, I'm a bit disappointed that I didn't get a definitive Swine Flu diagnosis - I was hoping for at least a certificate...

Mixed bag

2009-06-23T22:11:00.006+01:00

There are times when I really want to write something. Anything. But inspiration won't strike and whatever pops in to my head is just too mundane (which is what Twitter is for...). Now is just one of those times. I'm sitting here at my computer, fingers poised over the keys, just willing a fascinating subject to emerge from the dusty, cobwebby corners of my mind. Nuffink! So, you will have to indulge me while I waffle aimlessly about one or two things that passed through my brain in lieu of a fascinating post...

Musical reunion
Every now and then it's great to hear a song that you haven't heard for years. A song that you always liked but had completely forgotten about. Last week, for me, it was The Devil Went Down To Georgia by The Charlie Daniels Band. How could you not love it? It's possibly been at least a decade since I last heard it, but it was on the radio as I drove to work last week and I knew that I'd have to download it as soon as I could. I've now listend to it over and over. I'm listening to it right now. It makes me want to take up the violin again (in fact, if playing the violin at school had been anything like that, I'd never have given it up!). For some reason it led me to listen to Ode To Billy Joe by Bobby Gentry. I'm a whisker away from Islands In The Stream and Blanket On The Ground. Just one C&W evening can't hurt, can it? I can give it up anytime...

Working gURL
I've bought my .co.uk web address. jcmoore. Don't bother looking - I haven't done anything with it yet. I've been pondering doing something freelance-ish. Word processing, Powerpoint and whatnot. But I've no idea where to start. I need to dedicate some proper thinking time to the idea. I still really want to make a go of the jewellery business, but something keeps stopping me, whether it's my lack of sales/marketing confidence, or doubts about some aspects of the quality of what I'm making. Unfortunately, the pleasure of the 'hobby' has diminished somewhat because I'm feeling that I ought to be making a go of the business side. I need to get over that, and recapture the enjoyment that made me so excited about the whole thing in the first place. As a first step, I'm going to have a fun 'making' day tomorrow...

Speaking of making
I've got some lovely knitting on the go. A few weeks ago, the most important thing in the world to me was to get a blanket for my bed. I've done away with my duvet and have gone all retro with sheets and blankets. Except I don't have any blankets. I only have synthetic fleeces, which aren't warm enough on chilly nights. I looked in shops for old-fashioned wool blankets, but I couldn't find any - only designer 'throws' and suchlike. Of course, the internet has blankets, but they cost a fortune. So I got out my big needles and bought some super chunky wool and if I try very hard I may have a warm snuggly blanket for my bed at about the time the Winter Olympics are held in Russia...

Essay, essay, essay
I've nearly finished my OU Psychology Openings course. I've just got my final essay to write. It's been OK. It also confirmed my suspicion that studying is not really my bag and anything more intensive than an Openings course won't suit me at all. I've been able to completely neglect it for weeks and then catch up with an hour's reading. (In fact, someone asked me about it the other day, and I actually forgot I was doing it!) I know I won't be able to do that with a 'proper' course, and I also know that I will neglect it. This has been just right for me and I may well do another - I'm thinking maths - but the student life is definitely not for me.

Pillow talk
I was going to tell you all about my wonderful new pillows. But I can't bring myself to. Next thing I'll be blogging my shopping list! Suffice to say, they're amazingly gorgeous, considering they don't contain one single feather. In fact, they're so gorgeous that writing this is making me want to go to bed. It's probably making you want to go to bed too, so I'll detain you no further and let you go about your business, whatever it might be...

If only everyone were as perfect as me (and with a little help they could be)...

2009-06-18T00:05:00.003+01:00

Dear lady in the car behind me this morning,

When driving along a narrow road lined with parked cars, and coming across a skip lorry and a school bus trying to come the other way, it is not advisable to overtake the patient person letting them through (i.e. me) and blocking the road. They're considerably bigger and less maneuverable than you and you really have nothing to gain by getting in their way. Where exactly did you think they were going to go?

Just some friendly advice for the future...

Yours helpfully,
Jo

-oOo-

Dear sales assistant in Guildford PC World who tried to help me this morning,

It was my pleasure to show you a product on the internet that you didn't know you sell. You were probably a bit hungry or something, as it was nearly lunchtime, so I'll forgive you for telling me I didn't know what I was talking about (though you did it quite politely) and failing to apologise when I proved that I did.

Yours teeth-grindingly,
Jo

-oOo-

Dear customers on neighbouring table in Frankie & Benny's at lunchtime today,

It was Bobby Vee singing 'Take Good Care of My Baby", and not The Eversley (sic) Brothers.

Yours helpfully (and admittedly slightly patronisingly),
Jo

-oOo-

Dear sales assistant in Weybridge PC World who tried to help me this afternoon,

Next time someone asks you the difference between two apparently similar, but considerably differently priced products, just reading numbers off the boxes isn't helpful. When asked the difference between a speed of 1600 and 2100, "This one is 500 faster than that one" is not a particularly informative answer.

Yours none-the-wiserly,
Jo

-oOo-

Dear all sales assistants everywhere,

If you don't know something, please just admit it. Say you don't know and go and find someone who does. Honestly, trying to bluff your way through by reading what's printed on the box is not good customer service. Just so you know...

Yours surely-not-expecting-too-muchly,
Jo

-oOo-

Dear chemist,

It's lucky I was only getting gloopy cream for my skin today when you gave me the wrong thing for my prescription, rather than important drugs or something. It's also lucky I noticed.

Yours luckily,
Jo

-oOo-

Dear car washing men in Tesco's car park,

No, I don't want my car cleaned, thank you.

Yours repetitively,
Jo

-oOo-

Dear person on the phone this afternoon,

Using the words 'government legislation' 4 times in your opening spiel does not fool me for one minute into thinking you're not just trying to sell me something.

Yours exasperatedly,
Jo

Wondering weather to worry?

2009-05-20T08:24:00.005+01:00

Swine flu has been a damp squib, so I expect you're all wondering what on earth you can worry about now. Well, wipe that smile off your face and suppress that spring in your step, for you can now rest uneasily knowing that there's something else to give you cause for concern and the opportunity to take preventative measures...

It's going to be a hot summer!

Yes, that's right. The Met Office have said that it's too early to tell, but it's likely that this summer will be warmer than the last two. (I think that this winter has been mostly warmer than the last two summers, but I might be wrong about that - I'm not using scientific data, just guesswork, which seems to be an acceptable practice...). So apparently we're now using the law of averages to predict the weather.

Anyway, you can rest assured (but don't; you shouldn't rest when there are preventative measures to be taken) that the Government has taken steps to ensure that we are well-informed about how to stay cool and safe when the temperature soars. The Department of Health has published its Heatwave Plan to help us understand what we should do if we get a bit hot. And there's quite a lot of work involved, so we'd better start now:-

1. Paint external walls with pale, reflective paint. I'm not sure what the council will think when I do this, but as I'm following Government guidelines, it should be OK. In fact, covering the walls with mirrors would be even more effective, surely.

2. Replace metal blinds and dark curtains with something paler and more reflective. More mirrors will do the trick...

3. Grow trees and leafy plants near windows to act as natural air-conditioners. Why not? I can't see out anyway with all those mirrors over my windows. I'd better do that soon, trees can take a long time to grow. I'll definitely have to do it before the hosepipe ban, anyway...

4. Turn off non-essential lights and electrical equipment - they generate heat. For a start, I'm turning everything off anyway, to reduce my carbon footprint. Standby lights are a big no-no. But they don't mention gas fires. Do they generate heat? Should I turn off my central heating? It doesn't say...

5. Insulate your loft and cavity walls. I have cavity walls, but I don't have a loft. Should I get one? I'm not sure where I'll put it... Perhaps I'll just ask my upstairs neighbours to put down thick carpets...

6. Keep a thermometer in your living room and bedroom to check how hot it is. When you're hot, it's important to know exactly how hot. Comparing the temperature in two rooms will enable you to establish how hot it is in different parts of your house. This will give you twice as much to talk about when this is all over and you can come out of your house and start socialising again.

So, you've got your home ready. Now make sure you're fully versed on how to keep yourself cool when THE HEATWAVE hits:-

1. Stay out of the heat. You've done a lot of work to keep your home cool - use it! Do not go outside and enjoy the weather - stay in the dark.

2. Avoid extreme physical exertion. Because it can make you hot.

3. Wear light clothes. Heavy, dark clothes are designed to keep you warm. In a HEATWAVE, the sun will do that for you. However, nudity is frowned upon in many public spaces - though you'll be in your dark, cool home, so you can be as naked as you like...

4. Have plenty of cold drinks. Cold drinks are less hot than hot drinks.

5. Eat cold foods. Cold foods are less hot than hot foods.

6. Take a cool shower. A cool shower, not a hot one.

7. Sprinkle water over the skin or clothing. It doesn't say what temperature the water should be. I'm going with cold, or cool is probably OK too.

Good. I think we're as prepared as we can be. We'll just need to hunker down when THE HEATWAVE arrives.

Of course, if the Department of Health generated a little less hot air, we might be better off by a degree or two...

Incidentally, I know that particularly hot summers see an increase in deaths from heart and cardiovascular illnesses (and also murders and suicides, apparently), and other heat-related illnesses aren't funny, but I'm not sure that a 39-page document (and its associated documents) is going to make any difference.

Fully booked

2009-05-08T22:37:00.003+01:00

For the first time since I joined the library, I managed to borrow the correct number/size of books to last me exactly the three weeks lending time. I finished the last one last night and they're due back tomorrow, so that's not bad going - just one bookless night to get through...

Unfortunately, it wasn't the best selection. There was a lot of variety, but none of them gripped me. Getting to the end felt like a chore, rather than a pleasure. Better luck next time, hopefully.

However, don't let me put you off...

The Necropolis Railway by Andrew Martin

The story is set in 1903 and centres around the rail line between London Waterloo and Brookwood Cemetery. Jim Stringer aspires to drive steam engines, but he has to work his way up through the ranks, in an atmosphere of mistrust and hostility. Strange things are going on, but can Jim get to the bottom of the mysteries before he becomes the next 'victim'?

It's all very promising, but somehow the story left me cold. I didn't care about the mystery, and the narrative was hard going (possibly because it was so 'atmospheric' and I missed the point). This book came highly recommended by the librarian, so maybe it was just me, but I'm unlikely to be rushing to find the next Jim Stringer mystery.

The Case of the Missing Books by Ian Sansom

Another first in a series - the Mobile Library - in which we meet Israel Armstrong, a hapless librarian, moving to Ireland to start a new life and run a branch library. Except he arrives to find the library closed, no-one to meet him and, by various misadventures, he loses all his money and clothes.

By an unlikely set of circumstances, Israel is forced to resurrect the local mobile library, live in a chicken coop and generally be abused by almost everyone he meets. It felt like this was trying to be Wilt, by Tom Sharpe. But it really didn't work - the situations were so ludicrous and so unlikely that I had no sympathy for our 'hero' and couldn't care less whether he triumphed through adversity or not. Hmm...

Compulsion by Jonathan Kellerman

Compulsion is an Alex Delaware novel. If you're not familiar with the series, Delaware is a child psychologist in LA who works with the police department on cases involving children, usually getting more involved than you imagine is likely in real life. However, I've always found these novels to be a good read, with a familiar set of characters who we've got to know over the years.

This is not the best of the series, though. Delaware seems to just be along for the ride when his friend, Lieutenant Sturgis, begins investigating some previously unconnected murders involving expensive cars. With no children involved, it seems odd that Delaware gets to go off investigating all by himself, but we can suspend disbelief for a good detective story, can't we? Well, only just, because it's a bit of a thin story. However, it wasn't a chore to finish (unlike my previous two!).

The Marriage Bureau for Rich People by Farahad Zama

I managed (more by luck than judgement) to keep the best for last. The Marriage Bureau for Rich People is about exactly that - a marriage bureau in India, set up by retired Mr Ali for something to occupy him and keep him out from under his wife's feet. It's a charming read, and reminded me of the first No. 1 Ladies' Detective Agency book, with the stories of the bureau's clients, and descriptions of the life and culture of India. The writing style was quite simplistic, and sometimes clumsy when trying to explain things, but it was an enjoyable read nonetheless. I actually cared about the characters, for the first time in 4 books!

So, I'm back at the library tomorrow for my next batch. Hopefully my hit rate will be better...

Slow boat to Byfleet

2009-04-25T16:45:00.005+01:00

You know how it is: you're at work on a lovely sunny afternoon and your boss says to you, "Do you fancy coming along with me to move my boat along the canal?".

Well, OK, it's not necessarily something that happens every day, but it did happen yesterday and it would have been churlish of me to reply, "No, no! I must stay here, indoors, and carry on with work!", so I didn't.

So, off we went to Send, to bring Little Edna 'home', along the Wey Navigation, to Byfleet Boat Club.

We made gentle progress along the canal, being overtaken by a few walkers and cyclists. There isn't much to do other than enjoy the day, enjoy the company, and pay attention to where the boat should be going. I took my turn at the tiller, and we probably meandered a bit more than we needed to but, hey, it was my first time!

Oh yes, there are locks to negotiate. I don't mind admitting to a fear of locks - it always seems to me that there's so much to go wrong! If I open the wrong gate at the wrong time, I might empty the canal! But, of course, that's not the case. A little bit of logical thinking, and I was an old hand by the end of the trip (3 locks later).

You can't be in a hurry when your top speed is 3mph. And there's a friendly vibe, "hellos" from other people enjoying the canal, "give us a wave" for photos. (Little Edna is very little - she attracts a lot of "aahs" and smiles.)

All in all, a very pleasant way to spend a sunny Friday afternoon and evening. Thanks, Mogs!

Little Edna

My first lock - Papercourt Lock

Newham Priory

Fruits of my labours

2009-04-19T19:49:00.007+01:00

I've been a bit grumpy lately, entirely due to fed up-ness and a general lack of oomph. A cause and symptom of this has been my untidy and uncared-for home. You know how it goes: the place is a mess; it makes you grumpy to know it's a mess; you're too grumpy to sort it out. It's a sort of Catch-22. Or it might be laziness. I'm not quite sure (I couldn't finish the book...)

So, in an attempt to snap out of it, I decided that this weekend was the time for spring-cleaning. And then the weather joined in with the party, being the perfect spring-cleaning weather, that it was.

My skin is a big excuse for avoiding housework. It really exacerbates it, despite using those 'green' products (that don't really work nearly as well as good old chemicals). However, I decided to just moan a lot about it and get on with it anyway. (Incidentally, I usually wear disposable gloves, but they irritate too, so I did half the day with gloves and half without - it made no difference...)

Yesterday I cleaned the bathroom, top to bottom. I threw away all the toiletries I really don't (and won't) use. All the out-of-date sunscreens and expensive creams and lotions that do me no good at all. I chose not to think about the waste of money... I washed every surface and threw away the horrible bath mat that just won't get clean, even with bleach. Lovely clean and tidy bathroom.

Lovely clean bathroom - note empty laundry basket lower left...

Today it was the kitchen's turn. My kitchen always seems to take ages to clean properly, and my skin was suffering from the effects of yesterday, so I decided to just see how far I could get. I also had a grocery delivery due this morning, and had determined to get all my laundry done. In the end, I decided to start at the very, very messy 'dump everything' end of the work surface. Over the last couple of months, this has spread across half the kitchen and has been annoying me for ages, so it seemed like the biggest 'win' to get that cleared. It was also dominated by a bread machine that I rarely use.

My groceries arrived and took up the other half of the kitchen. So, a big load of throwing out of unused and out-of-date food from cupboards and fridge was called-for. I chose not to think about the waste of money... That done, and the piles of junk on the worktop binned, recycled or 'filed' (well, that'll be another day...) and I could stow away the bread machine, reclaim my fruit bowls and load up all the fabulously healthy stuff I'd ordered online. Phew! That's probably only about a third of the kitchen done, but it's so nice to have clear worktops again.

Neat and tidy cupboard. Just avert your eyes from the many packets of 'Pasta 'n' Sauce.

If only I had a 'before' picture, you'd realise what a triumph this is!

Not only that, but the laundry has been on the go the whole time and, with perfect drying weather to boot, the lines have been full. Now my least favourite job: the putting away...

So, I have a kitchen full of fresh healthy grub. But can I now be bothered to cook any of it after such a busy weekend...? What do you think?

My well-stocked fridge. Now I just need a personal chef...

What's my favourite flower?

2009-03-20T16:25:00.003Z

I'm sure you're dying to know... Well, it's the daffodil. Surprise!

This is the best time of year. I may wander into cliché - and I may have posted much the same thing around this time every year - but nothing lifts my heart and my spirit quite like the sight of the first daffodils. This week has been Spring-in-a-bottle, with the sunshine and blossom and birds and everything else that lets us know that winter's over. Even being able to hang out washing (and it getting dry) makes me smile. Putting it all away doesn't, but that sort of negative thinking has no place in this post.

I drove to work this morning along by the river at Lower Sunbury. Trees along the river bank were covered in bright pink blossom, and there was a hazy shimmer over the water. It took my breath away, it really did! If it weren't for double yellow lines I'd have stopped right then and taken a photo for you. But I couldn't, which is a shame.

Rumour has it that this weather won't last, but I'm not looking ahead. I'm living for the sunny, springy moment, breathing in the scent of daffodils whenever I can, because I know it is fleeting.

There should be a place you can go (there probably is!) where the sounds and smells of Spring are pumped in. Fresh-mown grass, bumble bees, daffodils of course, peacocks. Peacocks? Yes - there are some peacocks close to where I live and the sound they make in the evenings makes me think of longer days and sunshine. I close my eyes to the washing and pretend I'm in the countryside. Bliss!

So, what I'm basically saying is: Spring's here - good isn't it?

A minute of your time?

2009-03-06T23:13:00.005Z

It was too quiet in the office yesterday, so Dan put on this episode of Just A Minute. So, frustrated by my recent lack of inspiration for a blog subject, I thought I'd write for a minute, without deviation, repetition or hesitation on the subject of listening to Just A Minute in the office yesterday. (You'll have to take my word for it that I'll only type for a minute, because, for all you know, I could be hesitating for hours and deleting all my repetitions. couldn't I?) No, but really, I'll give it a go, and challenge you to do the same thing on the subject of what you did yesterday afternoon. You have 60 seconds...

Yesterday afternoon was very quiet in the office and, rather than listen to music, Dan put on an episode of Just A Minute, from the BBC i-Player. That particular programme had, as its panellists, Paul Merton, Sheila Hancock, David Mitchell and Clement Freud (the latter of which I must admit I thought had died a couple of years ago, but I was obviously thinking of someone else...). I laughed out loud on a number of occasions and realised that I couldn't remember the last time I'd heard this show. Consequently, I made a note to check out the play-again facility for Radio 4 and enjoy some others.

Hmm... Interesting exercise. I think I kept going for too long. And the success of this exercise will very much depend on your typing speed... I possibly need to think up some better rules for the blog version...

OK, so just tell me all about what you did yesterday afternoon, without deviation or repetition. Hesitate as long as you like...

It's all about meme

2009-02-23T23:09:00.007Z

Update: this was fun to set, but just too tricky to solve. I've crossed through those that were guessed, but I've given the answers to the rest...

Another one courtesy of PT. Fun this one - I could have kept going all night!

Step 1: Put your music player on shuffle.
Step 2: Post the first line, or two, from the 1st 25 songs no matter how embarrassing/obscure. You can skip any instrumentals. If you see "____" below, then that bit is the title.
Step 3: Readers of the blog try and identify as many songs/artists as possible in the comments.
Step 4: Strike through once someone guesses both the artist and the track correctly.
Step 5: For those who are guessing, looking up the lyrics is CHEATING.
Step 6: If you like the game post your own.

I have to be honest that I skipped a few with incomprehensible lyrics, or that were just too plain obvious. But I think I've ended up with a good mix. Have a stab at it...

1. “Take all your chances while you can. Never know when they’ll pass you by.” Chances by Athlete
2. “And so your love sits down next to you and her body is cold and her lips are blue.” Wash Away by Nizlopi
3. “I used to ride with a vending machine repair man. He said he’s been down this road more than twice.” Every Day is a Winding Road by Sheryl Crowe
4. ~~“Each day through my window I watch him as he passes by.”~~ Just My Imagination by Bette Midler
5. “It’s not a spark that gives me life. It’s not the days I’m up all night.” You by Take That
6. ~~“When you’re alone and life is making you lonely, you can always go”~~ Downtown by Petula Clark
7. ~~“I’m your only friend, I’m not your only friend, but I’m a little glowing friend, but really I’m not actually your friend. But I am.”~~ Birdhouse In Your Soul by They Might Be Giants
8. “When I say it doesn’t matter, it matters most of all. You’re not up for conversation. So I’m blinded by it all.” Perfectly by Natalie Imbruglia
9. “When you’re so lonely, lying in bed. Night’s closed its eyes but you can’t rest your head. Everyone’s sleeping, all through the house. You wish you could dream but forgot to somehow.” Lullaby by Jack Johnson and Matt Costa
10. “Tiredness fuels empty thoughts. Find myself disposed. Brightness fuels empty space in search of inspiration.” Eskimo by Damien Rice
11. ~~“Where d’ya come from?” “Mississippi.” “And your parents?” “Very wealthy.”~~ We Both Reached for the Gun by Richard Gere, Renee Zellwegger, Christine Baranski & Cast (Chicago soundtrack)
12. “She’s taken me places I should never have been. She’s showing me faces I should never have seen.” Old Before I Die by Robbie Williams
13. “I don’t feel myself today, just a figure in a big Monopoly game. Struggle is the price you pay. You get just enough just to give it away.” Strong Enough to Break by Hanson
14. ~~“Hey where did we go, days when the rains came. Down in the hollow, playing a new game.”~~ Brown Eyed Girl by Van Morrison
15. “Beautiful dawn lights up the shore for me. There’s nothing else in the world I’d rather wake up and see with you.” High by James Blunt
16. “___ ___ ___ ___, and I know that I should be. ___ ___ ___ ___, and I know that I never will.” I’m Not Over You by Scouting For Girls
17. ~~“Are the stars out tonight? I don’t know if it’s cloudy or bright.”~~ I Only Have Eyes For You by Jamie Cullum
18. “There’s a moment in my mind I scribbled and erased a thousand times. Like a letter never written or sent.” Sentimental Guy by Ben Folds
19. “Looks to me like heaven sent no lullaby kid, no five percent. Any way you wanna cut that cake she’s a-dying from the likes of abandonment.” She Looks To Me by Red Hot Chili Peppers
20. “There’s a place we used to be. There’s a face that I used to see. There’s a picture with you by my side. There’s a moment that I want to find.” I’d Wait For Life by Take That
21. “I try to discover a little something to make me sweeter. Oh baby refrain from breaking my heart.” A Little Respect by Wheatus
22. ~~“It was a third of June, another sleepy, dusty delta day. I was out chopping cotton and my brother was bailing hay.”~~ Ode to Billy Joe by Bobbie Gentry
23. “I’m full of regrets for all the things that I have done and said. And I don’t know if it’ll ever be OK to show my face around here.” Tangled by Maroon 5
24. “Wassup darling. I’ve been keeping my eyes on your movements. I can’t see no room for improvement. Oh why you all over there on your Jack Jones. You need to let me get behind your back bone.” Dance Wiv Me by Dizzee Rascal (I honestly have no idea how this got on my iTunes!)
25. “___ ___ ___, ___ ___ ___again. Racing through my brain. And I just can’t contain this feeling that remains.” There She Goes by The La’s

One Word...

2009-02-17T12:28:00.002Z

I'm not even sure that this is really interesting, but it's a way to spend sandwich-eating time...

(Thanks, PT, for the meme.)

Today at 12.30pm
1. Where is your cell phone? Desk
2. Your significant other? No-one
3. Your hair? Horrid
4. Your mother? Wonderful
5. Your father? Wonderful
6. Your favourite thing? Sleep
7. Your dream last night? None
8. Your favorite drink? Tea
9. Your dream/goal? Freedom
10. What room you are in? Office
11. Your hobby? Making
12. Your fear? Lightning
13. Where do you want to be in 6 years? Seaside
14. Where were you last night? Home
16. Muffins? Please
17. Wish list item? iPhone
18. Last thing you did? Ate
19. Favorite joke? String
20. Where you grew up? Chertsey
21. Your TV? Over-watched
22. Your pets? Thomas
23. Friends? Some
24. Your life? Limbo
25. Your mood? Content
26. Missing someone? Yes
27. Car? Beige
28. Something you're not wearing? Frown
29. Your favourite store? Ikea
30. Your favourite colour? Red
33. When is the last time you laughed? Today
34. Last time you cried? Just
35. Who will resend this? Dunno
36. No, really... who will resend this? :op
37. One place that I go to over and over? Bed
38. One person who emails me regularly? Flylady
39. My favourite place to eat? Chinese
40. My favourite state of mind? Contented
41. My favourite time of day? Evening
42. My favourite place on earth? Home
43. Why you participated in this survey? Java
44. What are you doing tonight? Anything

Snow day!

2009-02-02T13:25:00.005Z

OK, so we get a little bit of snow here in the South East of England, and everything grinds to a standstill.

I was supposed to sign on at the Job Centre today, so I decided to walk into Weybridge. I fancied the walk anyway, so I didn't bother to phone ahead to see if they were open. (Obviously, they weren't, but they took pity on me and let me in.)

The schools are closed (I'm sure they never closed once when I was there!) so I cajoled Thomas into joining me. Loads of people were out walking - it felt like Christmas, with all the "Good mornings" that you never get on normal days!

It took about an hour and a half to get there - just under 2 miles, according to Google Maps - but we were going faster than the cars!

We had 'brunch' to sustain us and dropped in on a friend, who kindly lent Thomas a coat. Somehow he'd got very wet...

It's always nice to get back in the warm, make a hot drink and snuggle in front of the telly after such a snowy adventure. Not before uploading the photos, though...

This is what I sent Thomas out into this morning - it wasn't long before he came back!

SNOWBALL FIGHT!

Icicles on the window ledge

The Crouch Oak

Another Addlestone tree

Don't shake the tree! (Yes, Thomas is under there...)

The view over Weybridge allotments - no digging today.

The bridge over the canal in Weybridge

A Weybridge lampost (lamppost?). They have a much better class of street lighting there...

As I write the snow's falling as heavily as it was first thing this morning, so I guess there'll be no let up yet. My other important obligation today was to give blood, but that's been cancelled. I would happily have battled my way there, but I can't pretend I'm not glad I don't have to!

So, feet up, kettle on! Keep warm everyone!

Let it...

2009-01-30T23:52:00.002Z

Word is that we'll get snow this weekend. I love snow. I love a proper cold winter.

Being the first person to walk on virgin snow. Crunchy footsteps, before it gets slippery and slushy. Standing in the silent snowfall - everything seems muted and it feels like you're the only person for miles around.

But...

I don't like snowball fights. I don't want snow thrown at me. Ever. OK?

There's a series of ads on TV at the moment for a savings bank - various scenes of joy illustrating how great it feels to save. A little girl in wellies jumping in puddles. A boy doing a super long wheelie on his bike. A gang of beautiful people having a snowball fight.

Give me a puddle, I'll jump in it. If I'd ever done a wheelie in my life, I know that holding it for a long time would give me oodles of pleasure. But stepping out of my back door to be bombarded with lumps of compacted snow that sting and are likely to break my glasses? No thanks.

Ssh... Don't mention the diet...

2009-01-27T22:24:00.002Z

Not to draw attention to it or anything, but I'm back again on Less Is Me. I'm keeping it low-key after all my false starts last year, but if I don't tell anyone, I'll be going it alone, and that won't work.

Tiptoe by now and again.

Twitting the night away

2009-01-24T16:47:00.002Z

I've resurrected my Twitter, er, account? presence? Whatever it should be called...

After the plane crash landed onto (into?) the Hudson river, I got a small flurry of Twitter followers. Evidently, the news of the crash was communicated quicker via Twitter than through the usual news channels. I find this hard to envisage, but maybe I'm still not 'getting' Twitter. Anyway, I started updating it again and found myself back where I was before (when I stopped) wondering whether my 'tweets' should have any relationship to my Facebook status. Or if the dullness of what I'm doing at any particular moment in time is just a waste of virtual space, of no interest to anybody.

However, after Twitter got quite a mention on Jonathan Ross's first post-Sachsgate TV show, I can see its popularity really taking off. I thought I'd follow Stephen Fry (his number of followers has risen by more than 10,000 in the last 12 hours or so), and Wossy (that's his Twitter name...), just out of interest. Then I got a bit excited about 'following' famous people, so I tracked down some more. It's like a completely acceptable form of stalking. And it seems that everyone I'm following so far makes a point of replying to all the replies they get to their 'tweets'. So it's better than stalking because you can have a conversation with your stalkee. They become your friend. Interesting...

I haven't yet seen any breaking news on Twitter before I saw it anywhere else. Though yesterday I did find out that it had snowed in Luton 5 hours previously...

Back to school

2009-01-21T21:22:00.003Z

I've decided to have a go at an Open University course. It occurred to me - a little late in the day, perhaps - that I should be making good use of all this free time to better myself. Having left school at 17, and not having touched a text book since, I'm starting gently with a course designed to ease me gently into study again.

Now, I hated school. I dropped out of college because I really didn't enjoy anything about education. And I've never regretted my decision, or that I didn't make it to university. So it will be interesting to see what happens, whether I've become studious over the last 20-ahem or so years.

I'm going to have a go at some of the OU's free courses to test the water. I'll need to get myself organised - 10 months of unemployment have left me routine-less, so it'll be a challenge to make sure I allocate time and focus to learning.

Tomorrow I will buy myself some new pencils and an exercise book. You know me - any excuse to buy stationery!

History books

2009-01-16T20:22:00.002Z

Writing my previous post, I was reminded of a conversation I had with Mum the other day... Have you ever re-visited a book that you used to love, only to discover that it's become dated?

As I mentioned, I re-read It by Stephen King and was relieved to find that I enjoyed it just as much as the first (or maybe second) time I read it over 20 years ago.

And I can re-read Agatha Christie over and over. But perhaps her books have always been old-fashioned, and that's the attraction.

As with anything, there are books that are 'of their time', but it's hard to understand how you could have enjoyed them so much, once upon a time.

Mum used to read Nevil Shute, but coming back to the books recently she's found them practically unreadable. I decided to have a go and borrowed What Happened To The Corbetts from the library. I managed to get about 3 chapters in, but I had to give up. It read like a public information film - think 'Mr Cholmondley-Warner' but without the comedy - though that particular novel was written almost as an educational piece. Shute wrote it just before the Second World War to urge caution to the authorities who were assuming that the major danger to the British public would be gas attacks, whereas he felt (and, of course, was proved correct) that bombs and their aftermath would be the greater threat.

Of course, it's not the books that change but you. I don't think I could read a Jilly Cooper or a Jackie Collins any more. But I'm not losing any sleep over that! I am about to re-acquaint myself with Tom Sharpe and I've got my fingers crossed that I find him as hilarious as I used to.

Tell me about the books of your past, and maybe give them another go.

Hey... you wanna read something really scary?

2009-01-14T23:08:00.002Z

I think it takes an exceptionally talented author to write a truly scary book. A book that will keep you awake at night. A book that you have to keep reading into the wee small hours, because you daren't stop. There are plenty of books that are gripping and entertaining and unputdownable, but the stuff of nightmares? Not so much.

And I'm easily scared. I can't watch scary movies. I've tried, but I can't. Gory is OK, it's the suspense that gets me - I can't do sinister suspense. As soon as Drew Barrymore's phone rings in Scream, that's it for me.

I paid to see Psycho 2 at the cinema and I watched the exit sign from behind my coat for the entire duration of the film. And anything that involves a corn field? I can't even watch that bit in ET!

So getting back to books, the idea of that chilling suspense in the written word, with no eerie sound effects or atmospheric music, seems unlikely. But somehow...

Stephen King was always the master, as far as I was concerned. I haven't read any of his latest books, but I know that I was terrified by Pet Cemetery (or Pet Sematary to use its original language). And The Shining was much scarier to read than the film was to watch, in my opinion.

I have a very vivid memory of reading The Silence of the Lambs through one night, unable to stop reading until Clarice Starling caught the bad guy, or died trying. The climax of the story (the night vision bit when she's in his house) was so brilliantly written that I slept with the lights on for a fair few nights after.

The book that still affects me to this day is The Amityville Horror. I was scared stupid by that book (it all being true, especially!) and I still can't look in a mirror in the dark as a result. Don't ask me why - I really can't remember - but I won't do it! Being a teenager when I read it, I was possibly more susceptible to all the descriptions of paranormal activity, and it might not actually be that scary after all. However, I'm not going to read it again to find out...

One book I have revisited is It by Stephen King. This is another one that terrified me on first reading, and on subsequent readings, though not for quite a few years. My copy is now very dog-eared and worse-for-wear, but I thought I'd give it another go. I'm very happy to report that it's just as good as it always was, though I was spared the nightmares this time round.

I hope I haven't kept you awake with this post. That last paragraph has given me an idea for my next post, but not tonight - I've got some reading to do...

Accept the unaccepted

2009-01-04T19:09:00.002Z

It may have escaped your attention, but it's recently become a new year.

Looking back to (more or less) this time last year I see that I have spectacularly failed in my goals for 2008. Well, my skin's better, at least. Of course, being out of work for most of the year does shake things up a bit.

So, this year I decided on only one resolution, which is to get out more. Sounds simple, doesn't it? And it started well because, for practically the first time ever, I had an invitation to see the New Year in at a friend's house at something like a party. Well, I'm not really a party person, but was full of optimism that I could hack it as a mingler amongst people I don't know. It turns out I couldn't. I don't know why I thought I could as I've never been a mingler and don't know why I thought I'd suddenly become one. I'm also not a small-talker. So, all in all I'm not cut out to enjoy a gathering of strangers, especially drunk strangers. Remind me next time - I'm happy to watch fireworks on telly...

This year I become 40 and so it's about time I stop kidding myself and accept that I'll never keep resolutions (and I'll never be a mingler).

Tell me why...

2008-12-22T22:54:00.004Z

...bagels always come in packs of 5. It's an odd number (err... obviously...!) for a food serving. Either they're expecting a family of 5 to have one each, or there's always going to be one or two left over. Or something. Actually, I can't figure out what they're thinking.

...it's so much trouble to open a bank account. I'm wanting to open an additional current account with no overdraft facility, or even a cheque book, and I've got to give details of all my incomings and outgoings. I'm expecting to be turned down, which may or may not affect my credit rating. Perhaps that seems like a dodgy thing to do. Perhaps it makes me look like I'm trying to steal an identity, or launder money, or something.

...every other TV ad is for fragrance at the moment. Now I'm sure that fragrance is a popular Christmas gift, but does anyone really make a choice on the strength of a TV ad? If I had a man in my life and he looked like Matthew McConaughey and he was in the habit of taking his shirt off as soon as he walked in the room (just a sec... I need a bit of a lie down...) then perhaps I'd consider thinking about buying him whatever fragrance that ad is for... Or... Oh dear, I've forgotten my point...

...the Post Office is empty when I've allowed extra time, so I end up with 10 odd minutes to kill. In Addlestone. Where there are very few browsing opportunities available.

...I can't find my favourite set of Christmas lights when I only have one decorations box and they all come out and go in every year. Oh, hang on. I've just this second remembered that I stepped on them and broke them last year... Forget I asked that one...

Punctuation of the day... Ellipses...

Thanks for the... tolerance

2008-12-02T22:03:00.002Z

I think it's worth just a quick word of gratitude that I have friends who don't seem to mind that I'm very bad at keeping in touch, and that weeks and months go past without me calling/texting/emailing. I am the worst keeper-in-touch ever! So, thank you my tolerant friends who are always there when I get my act together...

Same goes for you, my loyal blog-reading chums. Both of you. ;o)

Thanks for... my home

2008-11-25T00:47:00.002Z

Barely a month goes by when I don't stop and wonder at the good luck and good timing that brought me my home.

There's nothing palatial about it, obviously, being an ex-local authority flat in Addlestone, but I often wonder what might have been...

When I was pregnant with Thomas I was living in Bromley (in Kent), renting a room from a friend-of-a-friend. We got on well and the flat was a short walk to the station, so an easy commute to my Covent Garden-based job. However, with a baby on the way and life as a single parent ahead of me, I knew I had to move back closer to my parents.

By a happy coincidence, my then hairdresser told me he was selling his flat and would I like to take a look? If I was interested, we could bypass the estate agent and do a deal. The pressure was on for me to like the place, and with only a ten minute viewing I knew it was going to work out. (It's incredible how short a time it took me to make that decision when it usually takes me twice as long to choose a sandwich in Tescos...!) The fact was that I was limited in my options, so unless there was something very wrong with it, I was going to love it.

The price was good, it had just been double-glazed and he was leaving all the kitchen appliances. In addition to that, it's a short walk to the town centre and is on the ground floor - no stairs and some garden - so it was a no-brainer.

The fates continued to look favourably upon me when PT got a new job in Weybridge and would need a place to live when he moved down from North London. He moved in and shared the costs in the difficult first year after Thomas was born. It was an arrangement that suited us both perfectly, and the timing couldn't have been better. (I say it suited us both perfectly, but I'm making an assumption that it suited PT as much as it suited me. Of course, the brand new baby - with all the noise and smells that come with - and my annoying habit of talking all through football matches might mean that PT sees things in a slightly different light...)

Thomas was born on 6th June 1996, and I exchanged contracts on the flat about a week after that. PT started his job on, or about, the 1st July, so we had a couple of weeks to slap on a coat of paint and hang curtains before moving in. It all fell into place rather neatly (ignoring the usual house-buying/birth-giving stresses, of course).

I've never really been one for looking ahead, but back then I suppose I'd have been surprised if you'd told me I'd still be here (and happy to be here) 12 years later (and still with the same curtains!). Sometimes I think it would be nice to have a house. Often I think it would be nice to have parking. But over the years I've never been able to justify the expense and hassle of moving when we've really got everything we need right here. That's not to say I wouldn't be out like a shot if (when) I get my lottery win, but until that happens, the place that has kept me and mine safe and secure when I needed it most will remain the place I call 'home'.

(I just wish my upstairs neighbour didn't own a drum kit...)

Thanks for the... Sky

2008-11-19T22:51:00.009Z

No, not the satellite TV service, but the big blue thing that keeps all the space stuff from falling on our heads.

At least once a week something will be happening in the sky that makes me stop and look and smile. Today, I had just finished working in the garden when I stood up and looked up to see a cloud formation coloured purple and red by the setting sun. I would have taken a photograph, but I was too busy standing looking at it and smiling...

Clouds are frequently interesting, of course, and so are sunsets. Rainbows are very cool. And a clear blue sky on a crisp Autumn day? Mmmmmm...

Oh, and the moon... A thin sliver of a crescent moon, a bright full moon shining through clouds, a huge, orange harvest moon.

There are so many beautiful and awesome sights in nature, but the sky is always there, wherever you are, whatever you're doing. You can be going about your everyday life and suddenly you are confronted with an amazing spectacle, just like that.

Sunset over the Solent

The evening sky from my back door
Addlestone rainbow

Evening view from Tesco Addlestone

Thanks for the MaryB

2008-11-19T22:45:00.004Z

Be sure to sing the title of this post - it works best that way...

Over at Shorty PJs, Mary is writing some wonderful posts as a countdown to Thanksgiving. This has inspired me to do something similar - just because we don't celebrate Thanksgiving in the UK doesn't mean I can't be thankful... I may get in the full swing of the thing and give myself a holiday (!) - though I'm never quite sure exactly when Thanksgiving falls - but in the meantime I'll share some of the things that I'm thankful for. I think it's a very worthwhile exercise in these troubled and difficult times (yes, I am talking about Strictly Come Dancing...!).

Wot I did on my hols...

2008-11-17T20:32:00.005Z

A somewhat belated follow-up to my last post, just to let you know what we did end up doing while Thomas was off school...

We made a carrot cake. It was a slight cheat, because it was a packet mix, but it was yummy and a great team effort (making, as well as eating!).

We had a lovely day at the seaside, though we thought we'd give Southsea a try, rather than our usual Littlehampton. Mistake. The parking was pricey, the amusements were average and the pier was poor, but we did manage to amuse ourselves for a while with our long-saved stash of 2p pieces. Once our coppers were exhausted, our next priority was kite flying. With the tide high, the beach at Southsea was unsuitable so we set off in search for a big open space. There wasn't a lot of wind, but we knew that if we found an exposed spot, the sea breezes would see us alright. Selsey Bill fitted the, err, bill... perfectly, with the added bonus of a nice pub lunch! Kite flying on the beach as the sun sets. Honestly - is there anything better than that?

We washed my car. I did the soapy, spongey bit. Thomas did the hosepipe, rinsing, getting very wet bit. He left me to do the (less wet, therefore less fun) window-cleaning and vacuuming bit, but I won't be holding that against him.

We had a lazing around day, during which Thomas played computer games and I watched inane TV, and we both stayed in our pajamas the whole day. Well, you've got to sometimes, don't you?

We had a Hallowe'en of cookie baking and pumpkin carving. Thomas cut the cookies into spiders, headless men and, um, daleks ("Well," he said, "you were scared of them when you were a kid!" Fair point...). Our good friend Sorcha came over to join in with the creative fun, and we all did a pretty outstanding job of pumpkin-carving, even if I do say so myself. We then had guests over in the evening to round off a pretty lovely week. Baked potatoes and apple crumble (not together). Yum!

So, all in all, a pretty relaxed and satisfying week, for us both. And the car's still quite clean!

Things to do in Addlestone when you're poor

2008-10-23T22:01:00.002+01:00

In the interests of frugalness (or, more correctly, frugality) I am trying to think of fun, free-ish things to do with Thomas over the half term holiday. He, of course, would be happy to be playing Warhammer Online all week (which is, technically, free-ish, seeing as how it was a gift from my ex-employer). However, I've decided that I'm going to plan a week of activities and pretend to be a proper mum who does proper mum things. You know, outdoorsy, autumnal activities: kicking leaves, flying kites, carving pumpkins, etc.

Here are my ideas so far:-

Kicking leaves
Flying kites
Carving pumpkins
Creating a Hallowe'en costume
Baking cakes and cookies
A day at the seaside with a big bag of 2p pieces for the slot machines (many years of change-collecting means that the 2p pieces aren't a 'cost')
Digging the garden and clearing up the weeds that the council should be clearing up
Washing my car (surely we can make this fun!)

Have you got anything to add? Petrol, electricity, food, etc are acceptable expenses...

Jack of all trades...

2008-09-30T22:10:00.002+01:00

...Master of none. That's me, evidently. Plus I learnt today that I'm not pigeonholeable. And people like to pigeonhole. Hence, I can't get a job.

Panic is starting to set in, with me facing my very own economic crisis, with little likelihood of a bailout. Perhaps I could be nationalised? I don't think I'd mind that...

Anyway, that's enough of my woes. I want to avoid writing too much about being unable to find a job, but it's obviously occupying most of my waking thoughts at the moment...

I'm hoping to gain inspiration for a new career from the things I'm doing to occupy my time. I'm thinking of trying to compile crosswords - does anyone know if there's money in that...? How about wordsearch...?

G'day? Good evening!

2008-09-17T23:14:00.002+01:00

I'm just back from an evening at the theatre. Mum had bought tickets to Circus Oz - she was going to take Thomas, forgetting that she'd be away, so I got to go instead.

I'm not normally such a circus fan - when you've seen one juggler, acrobat, tight-rope walker, etc... However, this was a good twist on the classics, with a lot of comedy thrown in. The funny stuff was interspersed with some truly breathtaking acts. The jugglers juggled a lot very quickly, the acrobats were incredibly athletic and graceful (and STRONG!) and the tight-rope walker... Well, he was an old man, desperate for the loo and out of toilet paper. That's the kind of show it was. Add in a contortionist in a small tank of water, some tumbling red kangaroos and an unusual (but excellent) orchestra, and you hopefully get the picture that this was no ordinary circus.

They're in Woking for the rest of the week, so catch them if you can - it's well worth it.

Well, I was getting bored with my view anyway...

2008-09-09T15:20:00.008+01:00

I arrived home today to the sound of chainsaws and chippers. The tree behind my flat was being felled. (Felled sounds too grand for such a little tree, but I couldn't think of the correct term...)

Considering how difficult it is to get the council to cut back trees that are blocking pavements, or getting rid of weeds that are blocking drains and destroying tarmac, this little tree must have been a real menace to society. Perhaps the borough has exceeded its leaf quota this year.

I don't have a proper picture of the tree itself, but here is the area to the right of the tree. You can just see a few of its bare branches on the left edge of the picture.

And this is the Crouch Oak. It's to the left of the ex-tree.

So, just imagine the area in between these two pictures, imagine a nice little tree with very bright green leaves, and now imagine it gone.

Is it that time already?

2008-09-03T19:21:00.003+01:00

I've now been off work for 6 full months. SIX MONTHS!!

I'm not quite sure how I've managed to get away with it, or how the time has gone so quickly. Now and again I think I should have used the time more wisely (tidying up, or something) but mostly I think what a lovely break it's been. Despite feeling a bit anxious now about getting another job (or, rather, not getting another job), I'm still enjoying the overriding sense of being free!

Interestingly, I haven't been ill once since I finished work - not even a cold. I've had little niggly under-the-weather days, mostly through lack of sleep, but they've been few and far between. As an employed person I would get a nasty cold at least 3 or 4 times a year. Of course, I'm tempting fate now and will be coughing and sneezing like a good 'un any day!

I wish I had something inciteful to impart after all this time of soul-searching and navel-gazing. But I haven't. Mainly because I haven't searched my soul or gazed at my navel very much. I've done nothing at all about finding myself, either because I'm not lost, or I'm still counting to 100. In fact, if anything, I've confirmed things that I already knew about myself: the reason I don't get things done is not because I don't have time, it's because I don't really want to do them; I can get bored very easily when I'm doing things, but I can do nothing for hours and not get bored; I hate routine and long-term predictability, but I like to plan ahead.

I realise I'm rambling. I half expected to be struck by something profound whilse writing this post and reflecting on the last half year of freedom. But I can't be that deep when all it comes down to is the fact that I'd rather not have to work for a living. And I know I'm not alone there, but am really lucky to have had the chance to take this much time out from real life. Any time now I really ought to get back in the rat race...

White (no sugar) thanks

2008-09-01T00:44:00.002+01:00

I have a bit of an aversion to coloured toilet paper. I won't give it house room. My toilet paper has to be white. I could probably just about live with a cream-ish colour (but not if it's too yellow) if I had to. If there was some kind of shortage. Or green, funnily enough. But definitely not pink. Or blue.

Oh, but don't let that put you off inviting me to your house for tea. If you have non-white toilet paper (probably because you'd run out and that was all they had at the corner shop), I won't mind one bit. I'll probably just wait 'til I get home, to be on the safe side. So I won't have that second cup of tea, thank you anyway.

Over the last few weeks...

2008-08-20T22:57:00.005+01:00

I've read:

Cold Comfort Farm by Stella Gibbons

This has been on my 'must read' list for years. It jumped out at me when I was at the library so I thought I'd give it a go. I found it hard-going at first, but once I'd got used to the style, I was totally engrossed. It may have dated slightly, in that the style it is 'spoofing' is no longer as familiar as it once was, but it's still an intelligent and amusing read, and feels ahead of its time. I had to double-check its publication date a couple of times, with references to televisions, casual sex and Clark Gable feeling at odds with the pre-war setting.

The Inimitable Jeeves by P G Wodehouse

I've never read any Wodehouse, but always meant to, so this was another to tick off the list. I'll be reading more. I laughed out loud more than once. Of course, Jeeves and Wooster were Stephen Fry and Hugh Laurie in my head, but it goes to show what a great job they did that this didn't jar at all while I was reading. What ho!

A Thousand Splendid Suns by Khaled Hosseini

The follow-up (but not sequel) to The Kite Runner, this is just as good. This time you get a closer look at life in Afghanistan through the Russian invasion and, ultimately, the rule of the Taliban. Not a lot of light relief, but I found this totally absorbing and was sorry when I got to the end.

I've seen:

Mamma Mia!

Obviously, it's t'riffic. Feel good through and through (except, maybe, when Pierce Brosnan 'sings'! Eek!). Not to everyone's tastes, I'm sure, but I loved it.

The Mummy: Tomb of the Dragon Emperor

What can I tell you? It's exactly what you'd expect if you've seen the first two Brendan Fraser Mummy movies. Lots of quips about "not more Mummies"; lots of running; lots of great special effects; lots of close shaves. The actress who plays Evie isn't a patch on Rachel Weisz, but if it's an unbelievable romp you want, that's what you'll get. In spades.

The Dark Knight

I hesitated in taking Thomas to see this, in light of all the publicity around the level of violence in it. It is violent, but wasn't nearly as bad as I'd expected. However, it's true to say that if Thomas was any younger I wouldn't be happy about him watching it, so I can understand the furore around the 12A certificate. Anyway, it's too long - there's probably about 2 films' worth in there, but Christian Bale probably couldn't stand the chafing - but it's very good. Heath Ledger would definitely deserve the Oscar, and not just because he died. You've never seen an eviller evil character than this Joker, and Heath Ledger manages to inject a subtle Jack Nicholson flavour that rounds it all off perfectly.

Interestingly, I was checking the filming locations on imdb.com and it turns out that some of it was filmed in Chertsey! I've always thought that the Sainsbury Centre felt a bit bat cave-ish...

So... How have you been...?

Back to it

2008-08-12T21:22:00.004+01:00

This evening I finally got my act together and took myself back to Slimming World. It wasn't as bad as I'd feared - I haven't even come close to putting all the weight back on, but I've put on some, so I've decided to start again and have joined as a new member. I don't want weeks of not being back where I was...

I'll be back to logging my progress at Less Is Me, so wish me luck. I've had my last chocolate binge for a while...

Home from the holidays

2008-08-12T21:07:00.004+01:00

We've just got back from a week in South Wales. Thomas, Dad and I. We had a cottage in Amroth, just along from Tenby. It was lovely, despite a mostly rainy week. We managed beach days, fishing, air pistol shooting, crazy golf, kite flying, a visit to a monks' island with a chocolate factory, and lots more besides. Some pictures to give you a flavour...

Our cottage

The fishing trip

Thomas's dream come true

Sand at Pendine

The perfect beach of Caldey Island

More at my Flickr site, if you're interested.

Some books I've read, and some I haven't

2008-07-23T23:22:00.003+01:00

Got this from PT - seemed like a diverting way to spend a Wednesday late evening...

1) Bold those you have read.
2) Italicize those you have started but haven't finished.
3) Place an asterisk by those you intend to read/finish someday.

1 Pride and Prejudice - Jane Austen *
2 The Lord of the Rings - JRR Tolkien
3 Jane Eyre - Charlotte Bronte
4 Harry Potter series - JK Rowling
5 To Kill a Mockingbird - Harper Lee
6 The Bible
7 Wuthering Heights - Emily Bronte*
8 Nineteen Eighty Four - George Orwell*
9 His Dark Materials - Philip Pullman*
10 Great Expectations - Charles Dickens
11 Little Women - Louisa May Alcott
12 Tess of the D'Urbervilles - Thomas Hardy*
13 Catch 22 - Joseph Heller
14 Complete Works of Shakespeare
15 Rebecca - Daphne Du Maurier
16 The Hobbit - JRR Tolkien
17 Birdsong - Sebastian Faulks
18 Catcher in the Rye - JD Salinger*
19 The Time Traveller's Wife - Audrey Niffenegger
20 Middlemarch - George Eliot*
21 Gone With The Wind - Margaret Mitchell
22. The Great Gatsby - F. Scott Fitzgerald
23 Bleak House - Charles Dickens*
24 War and Peace - Leo Tolstoy
25 The Hitch Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy - Douglas Adams
26 Brideshead Revisited - Evelyn Waugh
27 Crime and Punishment - Fyodor Dostoyevsky
28 Grapes of Wrath - John Steinbeck
29 Alice in Wonderland - Lewis Carroll*
30 The Wind in the Willows - Kenneth Grahame
31 Anna Karenina - Leo Tolstoy
32 David Copperfield - Charles Dickens
33 Chronicles of Narnia - CS Lewis
34 Emma - Jane Austen
35 Persuasion - Jane Austen
36 The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe - CS Lewis
37 The Kite Runner - Khaled Hosseini
38 Captain Corelli's Mandolin - Louis De Bernieres
39 Memoirs of a Geisha - Arthur Golden*
40 Winnie the Pooh - AA Milne
41 Animal Farm - George Orwell*
42 The Da Vinci Code - Dan Brown
43 One Hundred Years of Solitude - Gabriel Garcia Marquez
44 A Prayer for Owen Meany - John Irving
45 The Woman in White - Wilkie Collins
46. Anne of Green Gables - LM Montgomery
47 Far From The Madding Crowd - Thomas Hardy
48 The Handmaid's Tale - Margaret Atwood *
49 Lord of the Flies - William Golding*
50 Atonement - Ian McEwan
51 Life of Pi - Yann Martel
52 Dune - Frank Herbert
53 Cold Comfort Farm - Stella Gibbons*
54 Sense and Sensibility - Jane Austen
55 A Suitable Boy - Vikram Seth*
56 The Shadow of the Wind - Carlos Ruiz Zafon
57 A Tale Of Two Cities - Charles Dickens
58 Brave New World - Aldous Huxley
59 The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-time - Mark Haddon*
60 Love In The Time Of Cholera - Gabriel Garcia Marquez*
61 Of Mice and Men - John Steinbeck
62 Lolita - Vladimir Nabokov *
63 The Secret History - Donna Tartt
64 The Lovely Bones - Alice Sebold
65 Count of Monte Cristo - Alexandre Dumas
66 On The Road - Jack Kerouac *
67 Jude the Obscure - Thomas Hardy
68 Bridget Jones's Diary - Helen Fielding
69 Midnight's Children - Salman Rushdie *
70 Moby Dick - Herman Melville
71 Oliver Twist - Charles Dickens
72 Dracula - Bram Stoker
73 The Secret Garden - Frances Hodgson Burnett
74 Notes From A Small Island - Bill Bryson
75 Ulysses - James Joyce *
76 The Bell Jar - Sylvia Plath
77 Swallows and Amazons - Arthur Ransome
78 Germinal - Emile Zola
79 Vanity Fair - William Makepeace Thackeray
80 Possession - AS Byatt
81 A Christmas Carol - Charles Dickens
82 Cloud Atlas - David Mitchell
83 The Color Purple - Alice Walker
84 The Remains of the Day - Kazuo Ishiguro
85 Madame Bovary - Gustave Flaubert
86 A Fine Balance - Rohinton Mistry
87 Charlotte's Web - EB White
88 The Five People You Meet In Heaven - Mitch Albom
89 Adventures of Sherlock Holmes - Sir Arthur Conan Doyle*
90 The Faraway Tree Collection
91 Heart of Darkness - Joseph Conrad
92 The Little Prince - Antoine De Saint-Exupery
93 The Wasp Factory - Iain Banks
94 Watership Down - Richard Adams
95 A Confederacy of Dunces - John Kennedy Toole
96 A Town Like Alice - Nevil Shute
97 The Three Musketeers - Alexandre Dumas
98 Hamlet - William Shakespeare
99 Charlie and the Chocolate Factory - Roald Dahl
100 Les Miserables - Victor Hugo

Well, I've started 45% and finished 32%. I'll rarely persevere with a book I'm not enjoying. The one I tried hardest with is probably Catch 22. The film was on the other day and I couldn't make it through the whole of that either...

Laundromatters

2008-07-23T18:05:00.002+01:00

The big news is that I've done all my laundry. All of it. Not only that - I've also put it all away. All of it. Putting away is my most least favourite thing in domestic life. I'd rather clean the toilet and the oven than put away clean laundry. But I've done it all. All the clothes, the towels and the bedding, plus the cosy blankets that live on the sofas for chilly evenings.

I've even washed the 'handwash only' stuff that's been loitering at the bottom of the laundry basket for ever. I decided to risk my (Tesco) cashmere jumper in my washing machine's wool cycle. After all, it's been scrunched up and unworn for about a year, so how much would I miss it if it was ruined. Anyway, it wasn't ruined and now I've got a lovely cashmere jumper to wear, now the weather's getting hot!

Though you know the problem with doing all the washing? The minute you finish, there's always more. I didn't even get a day with an empty laundry basket.

It's only taken me 5 months of unemployment to get my act together, laundry-wise...

Purchasing power

2008-07-22T19:39:00.002+01:00

Despite my unemployment, or perhaps because of it, I have only been buying essentials lately, but I've still managed to get some nice new stuff...

Vacuum Cleaner
It was a bargain at £29.99. I'd been thinking for a while of replacing my Dyson cylinder cleaner (never loses suction, my foot!), but it was just an expense I couldn't justify. However, whilst browsing the Brita jugs with PT's LYW, I noticed a VAX upright cleaner for a penny short of 30 quid. I looked at it a lot to make sure I hadn't been mistaken, then I took the plunge and bought it. I'm telling you - best thing I ever bought ever. It actually cleaned the carpet in my bedroom. Like it's supposed to. Not like my rubbishy Dyson. Hurrah!

Cable
A couple of weeks ago I had my first Sky+ failure. The series finale of Chuck (on Virgin One) was actually something called Amsterdam Nights (you can guess the content). We'd enjoyed the whole series, and missing the final episode was crushing! Every other programme seems to be on at least 5 times a week, but not this one episode... So, thanks to iTunes I downloaded it onto my PC. Now all I had to do was figure out how to watch it on the TV. So I popped into the Sony Centre in Staines to ask for their advice. Much patronising later (grrr...) I was the proud owner of an HDMI cable. Simple! Plug it in and watch the PC on the TV, right? Well, sort of. Just an hour's tweaking to get the screen resolution, colour and sound right... But it's done now and so I can download to my heart's content. BBC iPlayer, Sky Player, iTunes - the digital world is my virtual oyster.

Books
I really should join the library. But I bought the next in the Agatha Raisin series (now I've read them all), A Thousand Splendid Suns (the follow-up to The Kite Runner), and something called One Red Paperclip: The Story of How One Man Changed His Life One Swap at a Time. The latter is the true story of a chap who decided to make a series of swaps, getting bigger and better each time, in the hope of swapping the original red paper clip for a house (obviously not in one swap, but a series of bigger and better trades). I like the book (just as I like all those 'mini adventures' like Round Ireland With a Fridge, Join Me, I Am Dave Gorman, etc.) but it was slightly spoilt for me by the self development/management handbook type paragraphs at the end of each chapter. Things like "Today is tomorrow's yesterday". That kind of thing. I just stopped reading them...

Tomato plants
I'm a bit late, but I had a pot to fill, so I thought I'd see if I could get any tomatoes. I've been feeding them and everything, and now they've got 3 flowers, so I should be in for at least 3 tomatoes. Hurrah!

That's the extent of my shopping over the last month or so (apart from household essentials like food, of course). Quite self controlled for me, I thought...

Flying Ant Day

2008-07-22T15:13:00.002+01:00

It's here! Only it's not even a day, it's usually just about an hour. What's it all about? I left the house 45 minutes ago - nothing. I've just got back and the air is full of the horrid critters. Where are they all going, and why do they all grow wings and suddenly take flight all at once?

I suppose I ought to look it up on t'internet and tell you, oughtn't I...?

Sh... ampoo happens

2008-07-19T15:36:00.003+01:00

So now that I know that Thomas doesn't have anything terrible going on, I feel able to blog properly about what happened...

Last Sunday he got shampoo in his eye. It stung a bit. Made his vision blurry. You know...

Well, come Tuesday, his vision was still blurry, so I suggested getting an eye bath so he could wash his eye out a bit and help with the 'getting his sight back to normal' process. As the chemist was right by the optician, he suggested we ask them to check his eye just in case. (I know, I should have thought of that. I'm a terrible mother, what can I say?)

So the optician fits us in, asks Thomas to read the chart with his bad eye, and he can't see it. At all. Now, when he said his vision was blurry, I thought he meant a bit blurry. If it was me, and I couldn't see out of one of my eyes, I'd be sure to make that clear...! Still, the optician had a good look, couldn't see any damage, didn't sound particularly perturbed, but suggested we go to the Opthalmic A&E at St Peter's Hospital (just up the road). Up we go (always fun) and ask for the Opthalmic A&E at least 3 times, but go through the usual A&E procedure, now familiar to us after many knee-twisting, ankle-nearly-breaking, head-banging incidents. Eventually we see the doctor who has a very brief look, wiggles his fingers around a bit, and tells us that actually the optician is the expert and he doesn't have the right equipment, so suggests we go back to her. "But she sent us here" I explain. Well, there's nothing he can do. "She's the specialist, not me. Sorry." (Except he didn't say "Sorry".)

Next stop our GP. I manage to get to see her at 5pm on Wednesday. 5pm being, incidentally, the magic time when all on-call Opthalmologists are on the road between Chertsey and Guildford and therefore off-call. The doctor told me this, sighed a bit, ummed and ahhed a bit, then decided to try calling anyway. He was there. He suggested calling the eye clinic at the hospital in the morning and getting an appointment for that day. That's Thursday (are you keeping up?).

Thursday morning. 9am. I call the hospital and ask for the eye clinic. There is no direct number for the eye clinic that I can find, so I need to listen to all the recordings trying to dissuade me from calling the hospital before I get to speak to a person who can put me through. When I do eventually get through the phone just rings and rings. Sigh. I try again 10 minutes later. Same rigmarole, but I finally get through to an answerphone. One more discouraging recording later I am asked to leave a message and they will call me back (there were actually italics...). I leave a wonderfully concise message, repeating my number to be on the safe side, and then I wait. Now there's the dilemma of how long to wait. Don't want to be pushy - they said they'd call me back - but time's getting on and the clinic will be over. I wait an hour and call back, but just get the ringing phone. I wait another hour and try again. This time I get a person. A helpful person. A Staff Nurse no less. I explain the situation and she goes off and checks with a doctor. She comes back and tells me to come in at 9am the next day. Not today then. No. Tomorrow. OK.

So there we have it, an appointment at the eye clinic at 9am on Friday. We get there early, casually look at all the posters telling us not to be surprised if we're there a long time, and settle down for a wait. Two minutes later we're called in and a nurse checks Thomas's vision. Another 5 minutes and we see an Optometrist, who does another bunch of tests. Another 10 minutes and we see an Opthalmologist who tortures Thomas with dye and drops and litmus paper and cotton buds. Everyone says the same - his eye is completely healthy, apart from the fact he can't see anything out of it. Apparently that's not a problem. It'll get better. Apparently shampoo can do that. Not often, but it happens. It should be better within a week. Should.

So that was my week. I have learned the following:-

If you're going to get shampoo in your eye, best only get it in one eye otherwise you might actually go blind.
There is not an Opthalmic A&E at St Peter's Hospital, but that's sort of a secret.
When Thomas says "blurry", he actually means "can't see a single thing".

Gotta get a message to me

2008-07-17T09:41:00.002+01:00

My email inbox is telling me I have 5 unread messages. Except I don't. At least, I can't see them. I'm now convinced that these messages contain news of the perfect job, the lottery win, the surprise inheritance and the unexpected declaration of love. And one of them is spam. Something offering me a date with a lonely married woman, which seems to be what I get spammed with most these days.

As someone who checks her mail very frequently (and clicks the 'Check Mail' button at least 5 times in quick succession in case that life-changing email is tucked behind the virtual sofa cushion) these unseeable unread mails are driving me mad.

Keeping it together

2008-07-16T21:28:00.002+01:00

I'm in the middle of a minor panic over Thomas's health. I won't go into details because the more I think about the details, the more palpitations I get. Rest assured, he's feeling OK and is oblivious to my worry, and I'm sure everything will be just fine and dandy. However, I would just like to say that I'm less than impressed with the healthcare professionals I've dealt with over the last couple of weeks, and I'm steeling myself for another frustrating experience tomorrow. I'll update you when I know more and when everything's confirmed as being just fine and dandy. Which it will be.

What am I doing right now? Who cares?

2008-07-12T18:14:00.002+01:00

I've just signed up to Twitter. Just because PT did, I thought I'd have a look. I think I get the point - I can quickly update everybody I know (all 3 of you) on what I'm doing right this minute - but I don't see that it's going to be very enlightening/interesting for my 'followers'.

Now, I'm sure there are people who live their lives doing exciting things every half hour of their day, but not me. I try to update my Facebook status quite often, but I don't really have a lot to say there. And what I do tend to do is check everyone else's status on Facebook. However, I'm going to try to get into the spirit of Twitter and update it every time (more or less) I'm doing something significantly different to the last update.

So, if you're not on Twitter and you don't know, let me tell you that I'm currently writing a blog post. In case you were wondering...

Recommendation

2008-07-11T15:57:00.004+01:00

It's been quite a while since I read a book that got me totally engrossed, but I've just finished The Kite Runner and I couldn't put it down. In fact, I read the second half in one sitting. I know I'm a bit behind the times with this one (it's already been made into a film!), but if you haven't read it, you should give it a go.

It follows the story of Amir, a young boy growing up in Afghanistan, and then his later life having escaped to America following the Russian invasion. Something happens in Amir's childhood that colours the rest of his life and when, years later, he is called back to his homeland, it's a chance to put things right.

It's difficult to describe the plot in much detail without giving too much away, but it's a great story and gives an enlightening insight into the recent turbulent history of Afghanistan. Oh, and it made me cry twice, which may or may not serve as an endorsement...

Giant Dad

2008-07-08T22:23:00.003+01:00

I was going to write this one on Father's Day, but I didn't.

Father's Day this year fell on my birthday (as it did the day I was born). Dad was having a lovely time on holiday and I was having a lovely time doing absolutely nothing, so we didn't celebrate. However, to belatedly mark the ocassion, I'd like to share with you my absolute favourite photo of me and my Dad.

That's me in the natty red number. Peter had a similar outfit in brown. Mine was nicer. Pete's cardigan was brown tartan.

I like to think that Dad also had a contrasting section to the bottom of his trousers, just out of shot. Mum too. Like a British Partridge Family maybe. But they didn't. Not really.

We're standing on Hadrian's Wall and it was a long time ago. Since this picture was taken Dad has shaved off the sideburns, I've given up wearing natty trouser suits and Hadrian's Wall has been re-pointed, decorated in neutral tones and had an ensuite added.

We don't have too many actual photos from our young childhood because everything mostly was on slides. That probably seemed like a good idea at the time, but it's been many years since we had a working slide viewer or projector, so it's a rare treat to find a picture like this one. There are a few others in existence, but other members of my family might not thank me for publishing them on the interweb...

Digital photography is one of those things that is so new, but is so hard to imagine how we'd now manage without. Remember getting your film developed? The anticipation as you opened the envelope full of brand new pictures? The disappointment when you realised that only one of them came out how you wanted it and all the rest had those little 'over exposed' stickers on them? The current generation of children will have a very different view when they look back in years to come. Now we can have hundreds of pictures of everything. Even the second baby! (No - I'm not bitter!)

I'm sure I have a point here. Maybe it's that I think the rare treat is something special. That finding a picture of a time or place I'd completely forgotten is a bit magical. That seeing pictures of myself as an unfamiliar child gives me goosebumps (in a good way). Now that we can catalogue every moment, every stage, every expression and include it in a screensaver, perhaps we've lost something. Or perhaps we've really gained something. Maybe it's just me...

I'm sure you're wondering...

2008-07-08T22:20:00.003+01:00

...what's with all the little posts all of a sudden.

Well... I often think of little trivial things that I could post about, then think they're too trivial, or I forget, or I think they won't make a 'meaty' enough post. So I thought I'd try just posting what I'm thinking about and what's been going on. I'll see if I can do that for a few days and see how it works out.

Bin there. Done that.

2008-07-08T22:13:00.002+01:00

My dustbin emptying day has changed from Friday to Tuesday. Since that happened I have less rubbish, it being practically the beginning of the week. Obviously I'd have more rubbish on a Friday because I've got everything I've thrown away through the week. Clearly the council is trying to force us to reduce our waste. This is a good thing, of course, but will they reduce our council tax? I don't think so...

On a positive note, the bin men now return my bin to where they get it from, rather than leaving it by the street for me to collect. Tuesday bin men are therefore much nicer that Friday bin men.

First shake

2008-07-08T22:09:00.002+01:00

Today I had 2 large cups of proper coffee-shop coffee and I got the shakes an hour later. This has never happened to me before and happened because I don't have a job and therefore don't have enough caffeine in my life.

P.S. The title of this post sounds like it should be a pun, but I'm not sure that it is. If you recognise the intended pun, please explain it to me... Thank you.

Tooth hurty

2008-07-08T22:08:00.001+01:00

I'm having problems with my teeth. This is only because I have no money, no job and no dental insurance.

Bah!

* delete as appropriate

2008-07-01T08:50:00.003+01:00

I'm sure that somewhere in the blogosphere (on the blogosphere?) there is a handy template to be used in the event of posting after not posting for a long while. It'll be something like this...

Sorry I haven't posted for a day/a week/a month/ages* but I have been away/busy/tired/drunk/in prison/enjoying myself*. I will/won't* try harder to post more often - I find it hard to get inspiration/ideas/up in the morning*.

So, here's what I've been doing:-

Not finding a job
Putting on a bit of weight (aargh!)
Having lunch (see above)
Enjoying the sunshine and getting slightly tanned for the first time ever
Getting older

I'm sure there's plenty more - I haven't been too idle - but I won't bore you with my domestic tedium (for a change!).

Back soon with a proper post... Possibly...

The plug

2008-06-02T21:44:00.013+01:00

"So!" (I keep hearing.) "What have you been doing with your time off?"

As I said below I haven't been doing much, and nothing's really changed. I've had a couple of job interviews (for the same job), but I still haven't heard anything as a result and I'm trying not to feel too negative about it. It's about time I found a way to earn money, and I'm going to get onto that seriously this week.

However, I do have something to show for all this unemployment! I have managed to make quite a bit of glass jewellery (click to have a look at all the photos)... And PT's LYW and I have set up a website. It's still under construction, but now I've got all the photos sorted, I'll be populating it any time now and getting some of the jewellery on eBay. We've even had our first commission (thanks, PT!).

If you see anything you like and might be interested in a unique piece of glass for a loved one, or yourself, or anybody really, drop me a line and we'll come to some arrangement.

Where's Corporal Jones when we need him?

2008-04-27T21:32:00.002+01:00

Tell me, dear reader... How do you make it clear that you're not panic-buying petrol when your car just happens to have run out at the same time as the 'crisis' starts?

Panic is, of course, the in-thing these days. We have so much to fear, and if we don't sort ourselves out sharpish, things will happen. And I don't see the next generation getting over this panic-fest in a hurry, if my glimpse of modern parenting methods are anything to go buy.

I was in a cafe the other day, when a young woman with two very small children went up to the counter to pay. Her little girl (probably about 2 years old) couldn't stand still and wandered out the door. Her mum called out to her, "Don't go outside on your own, you might be abducted!".

Of course, I believe it's good to instill a healthy fear of scary strangers from an early age. But the likelihood of this little girl even knowing what 'abducted' meant, let alone that being the most imminent danger in a busy high street, seems remote. "You might get lost" or "You might get run over" seems a much more appropriate warning. Perhaps it's me...

I work hard these days to suppress feelings of panic when I find myself in a supermarket without my non-plastic carrier bags, or when I leave home without my mobile phone.

I think the nervous energy created by all the scaremongering is probably contributing to something bad somewhere. Yeah, whatever...

All the news that's fit to print... or is it?

2008-04-25T00:24:00.002+01:00

I have to come clean and admit that I no longer read a newspaper. These days I only know what's going on in the world when I happen to catch the on-the-hour radio bulletins or an infrequent glimpse of the headlines on TV. If I'm feeling particularly ill-informed I'll drop into the BBC News website, just to make sure that nothing of any importance is going on, but I generally feel more content in my ignorance. I know that's not really how I should be, but I am. So there. I'm happy in my ignorance.

I think there are usually only a few important news stories that really matter, and most of what is reported is really just 'filling'. You might say that it's a good thing that we're so much better informed these days, and it often is, but I can't help thinking that so much of our 'news', well, isn't.

Just today I saw a couple of examples...

Billie Piper was photographed on holiday with her new husband. In one of the pictures she had her hand on her stomach. Is she pregnant? (Incidentally, in two of the pictures she didn't have her hand on her stomach - I'm not sure what we should construe from that...)
The local paper reports of a person who had a win on the lottery, but was just one number away from an even bigger prize. Surely (or is it me?) everyone who wins the lottery, except the jackpot winner, is one number away from a bigger prize...?

And finally, while I'm on the subject, it would be great if whoever is responsible for publishing these things could be a bit more discerning when it comes to videos and pictures sent in by members of the public. Can anyone tell me what's going on here??

I'm not here... but here I am

2008-04-18T21:32:00.003+01:00

Yes, I know. I haven't been blogging, or reading, or commenting. Neither have I been keeping you up-to-date with my weight loss over at Less Is Me. I make no excuse for my blog living up to its name so well, other than that I've been off. Taking a break from everything. And it's been just lovely.

Seven weeks is just about up now, though, so I should be making an effort to reintroduce myself back into society.

I haven't been doing very much at all. I haven't been idle - there've been gym sessions, shopping, a bit of domestic stuff - but nothing too taxing.

Now, though, I'm going to start doing stuff. I've promised myself a complete house declutter. And some decorating. I ought to give a bit of thought to job-hunting, I s'pose. I should socialise with some friends before they all forget me.

Oh, and I have taken up glass jewellery making. I went on a course with PT's LYW, way back when I first left work, and I've now got myself set up with a workspace (thanks, Dad!) and a kiln (thanks, EA!). We'll just have to wait and see what creative masterpieces I can come up with to make my fortune...

End of an EAra

2008-02-28T18:07:00.004Z

Ah yes - I told you that I had some news. Then I forgot to tell you what the news is!

Well, I'm finally leaving my job! It's been a long time coming, this redundancy, and I couldn't be happier. I feel like the time is right for a bit of a break and pastures new.

Tomorrow (yes, tomorrow!) is my last day, and it all feels a bit odd, after six and a half years of working in the glass palace that is EA Chertsey. Everyone is moving out as the company is relocating to Guildford, but I'm more emotional about leaving the building than leaving my job - I'm not sure what that says...

So, what next? Well, for the time being - nothing. I've fallen just short of qualifying for my 7-week paid sabbatical, so I'm taking it anyway - to have a complete break from anything work-related - then I'll start thinking about what to do next. I'm lucky that I'm in the position that I can take a few months off, and I really want to take full advantage to de-stress and get some perspective back.

And... relax.

Very nearly an armful

2008-02-18T13:24:00.006Z

I got an award today. It's nice to get an award.

I got a bronze award from the National Blood Service, as today I gave my tenth blood donation. That's more than a whole person-full of blood!

I find it a pleasant way to spend half an hour, in the company of friendly ladies who are always happy to see you. They look after you, let you have a lie down, and then give you orange squash and a biscuit when you're finished. And the warm feeling of having done a good thing is a nice bonus.

Weekend Weepies

2008-02-10T22:12:00.000Z

It's been a glorious weekend, weather-wise. I finally got round to having a tidy up in my garden. A number of my pots broke over the winter, and the whole lot has been looking shabby for months, so I had a good clear up, threw away everything that was broken or dead, and bought new. I even did a bit of digging and weeding for good measure.

I decided to grow a few herbs, so I bought a herb-ish pot and some, er, herbs. I also decided to give up trying to grow anything in the bit of ground right next to my back door - I have a small trellis there and every year try to grow something to climb up it. But the ground's too dry and it never works, so I bought a big square planter to go under the trellis, and will see if I can have some success with sweet peas for the first time ever this year.

I also made the monumental decision to knock down my coal bunker. I've never had coal in it, and it's very ugly, but it provides very good frost protection for the pots that huddle next to it. Every year I pretend that putting lots of colourful plants on top of it will make it look nice, but who am I kidding? I've even thought about painting it, but that'd just result in a different coloured ugly lump of concrete. If I get rid of it, I'll have a nice little space on which I can put a table and chairs, so it's a no-brainer really. Just the question now of how to go about breaking up and disposing of a load of reinforced concrete...

So, that was my Saturday daytime. Then I spent much of the evening in tears! Without much on the TV, resorted to watching "100 Greatest Tearjerkers". As I may have mentioned before, I'll cry at anything so the results were pretty predictable... Some of the clips left even me cold - particularly anything football related - but a few of my 'favourites' were in there. (I'm not sure that something that makes me sob uncontrollably should be termed 'favourite', but I suppose I must love a good cry, as I sat up until nearly 1.30am watching! And I guess it's no surprise that I love these list-based programmes, list-lover that I am. Here comes another...)

Dead Poets Society - I haven't watched this film for years, simply because I cry literally from beginning to end. It's something about the sentiment of the film, the whole 'Carpe Diem' thing, that gets me.

Beaches - I know it's totally contrived to pull on the tear ducts, but it works. In fact, I don't even have to see the film, just a whisper of 'Wind Beneath My Wings' and I'm off!

The Champ - This is the first film that made me totally lose it. Little Ricky Schroder all snotty, telling his dead dad to get up. Oops - sorry if I ruined the ending for you...

Four Weddings and a Funeral - The funeral, of course. W H Auden. It almost makes up for Andie MacDowell's terrible acting. Almost.

E.T. - When I went to see it the second time, I gave a loud sob of relief when the flower came back to life and Elliott knew he wasn't dead. Despite the fact that I already knew what was going to happen.

And here are some that weren't on the list:

Brokeback Mountain - Forget the gay cowboy angle, and recognise it as a powerful film about forbidden love. Heath Ledger's incredible performance was profoundly touching. I won't be able to watch this film again for a while yet...

Bobby Simone's death in NYPD Blue - After picking up an infection that damages his heart, Bobby's (played by Jimmy Smits) only chance is a transplant. A nasty lowlife, suspected of killing his own mother, attempts suicide in the interview room and is found by Sipowicz, who considers letting him die so Bobby can have his heart. But in the nick of time(!), an off-duty cop is shot in the head and his widow agrees to the donation. The operation appears to be a success, but just as he's about to go home, Bobby takes a turn for the worst, and the whole precinct gathers around his bed to say goodbye. It takes 5 emotional and exhausting episodes for Bobby to finally die. Even my dad cried, but don't tell him I told you! He had something in his eye... Mark Green's death in ER followed a similar formula, though I think it was stretched out even more.

The last episode of Friends - I know, but I couldn't help myself.

Strictly Come Dancing - OK, I've gone too far. But, really, I'm still not over Gethin...

So, one more word on my weekend and crying. I've just been to see Juno. I enjoyed it a lot, but anything involving babies makes me weep, and this was no exception.

For openers

2008-02-08T23:09:00.000Z

I've never seriously thought that I could write a novel. I don't think my thoughts are organised or thorough enough for a start, and I've never had a good idea for a story.

But, when my brain isn't occupied with anything else, it will mull over what the first line of my novel would be, should I write one. I think it's hoping that one day it will hit on the perfect sentence that will be full of the promise of literary greatness. I'm not holding out too much hope...

I wonder if the opening line of a novel is important. Is it ever the 'clincher' that makes you buy the book? I never read the beginning of a book before I buy it - I go purely from the blurb on the back - but I'm sure there must be plenty of famous first lines. The only one I can think of is "Last night I dreamt I went to Manderley again" and I'd love to know how much thought Daphne du Maurier put into this. Did she write it down and think "Oh, that'll do", or did she start with "I had a dream last night that I was back at the house" and go from there?

I'm inspired to head over to my bookshelves and pick out 10 of my favourites. Have you any idea what they are from the first sentence or two...?

Updated with clues for the trickier ones...
1 - "The Mole had been working very hard all the morning, spring-cleaning his little home." (Starting with an easy one...)

2 - "There was no possibility of taking a walk that day."
Written by a Bronte and featuring a secret mad wife.

3 - "The Boulevard du Cange was a broad, quiet street that marked the eastern flank of the city of Amiens."
Set in the First World War and quite the most evocative book of that time I've ever read.

4 - "My suffering left me sad and gloomy."
A Booker Prize winner, it's the story of a boy, a tiger, a zebra, a hyena and an orang-utan. In a boat.

5 - "Mary Ann Singleton was twenty-five years old when she saw San Francisco for the first time."

6 - "The terror, which would not end for another twenty-eight years - if it ever did end - began, so far as I know or can tell, with a boat made from a sheet of newspaper floating down a gutter swollen with rain."

7 - "When Farmer Oak smiled, the corners of his mouth spread till they were within an unimportant distance of his ears, his eyes were reduced to chinks, and diverging wrinkles appeared around them, extending upon his countenance like the rays in a rudimentary sketch of the rising sun."
Terence Stamp and Julie Christie starred in the movie version, and it features every shepherd's worst nightmare!

8 - "It seems increasingly likely that I really will undertake the expedition that has been preoccupying my imagination now for some days."
A heart-rending tale of unrequited love. Made into a Oscar-nominated movie starring Anthony Hopkins and Emma Thompson.

9 - "There were four of us - George, and William Samuel Harris, and myself, and Montmorency."
10 - "Mrs Ferrars died on the night of the 16th-17th September - a Thursday. I was sent for at eight o'clock on the morning of Friday the 17th. There was nothing to be done. She had been dead some hours."
In my opinion, the best novel from the queen of crime. I'm sure Columbo was inspired by this book...

No prizes for correct answers, except the respect of your peers. And feel free to reciprocate!

Absence makes the heart grow fonder

2008-02-06T23:33:00.000Z

I know you've been missing me, but I've been going through a little bit of turmoil of late, so I've been struggling for inspiration for blogging subjects.

Fortunately, there's a light at the end of the tunnel. And it turns out it's a very short tunnel, so the light's very close. Tomorrow I will hopefully have some good news, which I'll share with you.

In the meantime, here are the top 5 things that have been annoying me lately (which will give you an insight into my recent frame of mind):

The paper towels have been put in the dispenser upside down in the ladies loos at work. So they're a bit tricky to get out.
My hair is a little bit too long.
Sky Customer Services (ha!) and their automated-email-answering robot (wholly justified, this one...).
Anyone who asks me to do anything at work.
Dancing On Ice - especially the fact that I can't not watch it. It's Holly Willoughby mostly that's the problem, but Tim Vincent doesn't help.

If you want to get a head...

2008-01-17T22:15:00.000Z

Humour me, if you will, whilst I show off a little.

For the first time ever I finished something that I started knitting! I decided to knit a hat for my sister-in-law, as a Christmas present. I'd recently bought a book of lovely knitted gifts, and I thought she'd like this particular hat, but my previous record of knitting didn't bode well for it actually getting done. However, I persevered (and bought some 'backup' Christmas presents, just in case) and was putting the finishing touches to it at about 11pm on Christmas Eve. Phew!

I was very happy with the results - what do you think?

I've started the matching scarf - I'm sure I can manage to finish it by next Christmas!

Here's looking at you

2008-01-05T22:52:00.000Z

If you value your civil liberties, and concur with the Daily Mail view of CCTV cameras, I should warn you against visiting me in my home.

Thomas has just installed a sophisticated security system to give him advance warning of who is approaching his room. Bearing in mind that it's only ever me, I fail to see the point, but it makes him happy.

He has set up a security camera by his bedroom door, and plugged it in to his TV so he can see anyone in the hallway. It's a nifty setup for something that cost £4.99 from Lloyds Pharmacy, I have to admit. He's thinking of going back tomorrow for a laser trip wire. In fact, they've got a sale on and he can afford two.

I suggested he set the camera up in his bedroom window, overlooking the front of the flat, so that when there's interesting shouting going on, we can have a look without curtain-twitching and fear of being spotted. But he was more concerned with internal security.

Of course, he's not allowed the TV on past 9pm, so night-time intruders need not worry.

It's better than digging a ditch

2007-12-30T23:36:00.000Z

Don't panic - I'm giving the introspective, me-me-me posts a rest for a bit...

So. Car washes. They're suddenly everywhere - have you noticed?

I usually take my car to the one in Ottershaw (or is it Addlestone? I'm not quite sure where the edge is...) and they do a really good job. Plus they're a very friendly and non-intimidating bunch of chaps who just happen to be Eastern European. And, it was the first of its kind in this area to my knowledge. Suddenly there are loads of them - garages and car dealers are closing, to be replaced by a hand car wash.

It's a good thing because, back in the day, it would cost the best part of £100 and half a day to get your car valeted, inside and out, to a similar standard. Or doing it yourself, which is never as good (who can be bothered to vacuum in every nook and cranny? And who paints there own tyres black?). There's always the automatic car wash at the petrol station. I went in one today, but it left most of the dirt behind, so I won't be wasting my money on that again.

Oh yes, there's always the jet wash, but I'm intimidated by those. How do you know when the soap's going to stop? What if you're only halfway round your car? What if you run out of change? Don't you get very, very wet? No, thanks.

So, it's back to the drive-thru, by-hand, car wash for me next time. Painted tyres and free air-freshener, thank you very much.

Resolute reflection

2007-12-30T23:20:00.000Z

As we're on the cusp of another new year, I thought I'd take a look back and see what I said at the beginning of this one.

Aha - true to form, I chose not to write too much about resolutions, because making them always leads to breaking them, but I was pretty specific about a goal that Mum and I set ourselves to walk a walk over the year. Hmm... shame we only managed the first leg of the walk... Must try harder. But it just goes to show that resolving to do something means that it very rarely gets done.

No other resolutions made for 2007 means I don't have to sit here now and make excuses for breaking them/failing them. Which is a good thing.

But, I just can't help myself and, in an unspoken, not-telling-anybody way, I always make some kind of determination to myself that next year will be different. This time, I can tell you that next year will be different because:

I'll almost certainly need to find a new job
I'm already well on the way with my weight loss goals
I've already got a plan for getting rid of a bunch of my credit card debt
I've already established a gym routine that has seen my fitness levels improve enormously over just 8 weeks
My skin is finally getting better after a year of horribleness

I'm excited to ponder what life holds for me in the year to come - it's been a very long time since I've been able to say that. And I'm excited to wonder what I will be writing in this spot this time next year when I look back on this post.

I will try to resolve to blog more... But I'm not making any promises...

Pesky ducks

2007-12-21T09:46:00.000Z

So, just when you think all your ducks are lining up nicely... They're not.

It's been 2 months since I last posted, and my only excuse is my flighty brain. I've really found it difficult to focus on more than one or two things at once, and totally unable to boot up my computer during non-working hours, so blogging has gone out the window.

I won't bore you with the details, because there's nothing earth-shattering going on, but in summary:-

My job is up in the air

My skin has been bad

Ah - that's it. And because of those 2 things, I've found myself unable to do much else than worry about work, and scratch.

However, I'm coming out the other side of it with great optimism for the new year.

Since I last posted:-

I've lost a lot of weight and gone to the gym about 24 times.

I've found out that my company will be moving to Guildford next year, though I doubt I'll still be working there

I've tried, and given up on, homeopathy to help my skin

I've gone a little bit organic (except where I can't bring myself to pay the exorbitant price for brocolli)

I've thrown away a lot of shampoo and shower gel

I've started to recycle

I've had 2 reflexology sessions which have been the best thing ever

I've had my hair dyed (to hide the grey for the first time)

I've ridden a bike for the first time in about 12 years

I've watched 2 series of The Sopranos because I missed it first time round

I've been to the theatre a couple of times, once to see Ottershaw Players' production of Treasure Island, and once to see Avenue Q (which I can't recommend highly enough - it's fab)

I've been to bingo for the first time

I've seen (sort of) Tutankhamun and the Terracotta Army

It's all mostly positive and I'm planning more of the same for 2008. I hope the new year brings you everything you wish for (and a little bit more).

Saturday meanderings

2007-10-20T17:23:00.000+01:00

I had a fantastic idea for a post last night. Not a 'just dropping off to sleep' idea - they're never as good as you think they are in the cold light of day - but a 'late evening, mind wandering, what should I write about next?' idea that started to take shape and was worthy of a revisit before I did finally head off into the land of Nod.

Do you think I can now remember what it was? Of course not. I didn't write it down, it being so well thought out and all. If I could just remember the tiniest hint of a detail, it'll all come flooding back to me. I'm taking a notepad and pen to bed with me tonight in case that tiniest hint of a detail pops into my head then.

So I'm left with no option but to bore you with mundanities, if that's such a word, and if it isn't it should be.

I've had a few things happen this week that prove to me that procrastination is silly and pointless. Yes, I know the whole point of procrastination is that it's pointless, otherwise it would be called 'getting stuff done', but I actually got round to doing things this week that I've been putting off for ages. One of them was a work thing - a doddle, it turned out.

Another was re-arranging my mortgage. I've mentioned before, I think, that my last 'deal' ran out a while ago and I was paying full whack when I didn't need to.

I finally got round to ringing my mortgage company this week and getting them to change the 'product' I'm on. This basically means they continue to own my flat and take money from me every month, but by charging me a lump of money and sending me a telephone directory-sized sheaf of papers to sign, they very kindly take a little bit less money from me each month and in a lot of years' time I can still owe them the same amount of money that I borrowed from them in the first place. But it's bricks and mortar (well, the inside bricks and mortar, the council own the outside walls, or something) and it's the most sensible thing I ever did. So, hurrah!

I've also just got round to sorting out all my old crockery. I went to Ikea a couple of weeks ago and decided that I'd replace all my plates and bowls. My old ones have done me proud - over 11 years of loyal service - but I thought it was time for a change. The problem is, because there wasn't much wrong with the old stuff, what to do with it? I've even got a boxed set that I bought in the sales to replace any items that might get broken. I can't throw it all away, but I equally can't carry it all to the charity shops (due to the potential for dramatic dropping and smashing). I guess I could invite people round for a Greek evening, but think of the mess...

So, Mum put me on to Runnymede Freecycle. A service whereby you can advertise that you want to give a good home to some decent stuff. The point is it's a way of getting rid of things that are too good to go into landfill. What a great idea! Obviously not for your collectibles and antiques, but all those things that are surplus to requirements, but just too good to throw away, can be made use of by someone who really wants them.

Now, I know a car boot sale might seem a more lucrative way of doing this, but in my (limited) experience of car booting, I've found that you spend a few months hoarding, a day either boiling or freezing (not to mention the 5am starts, or whatever), only to come home with the bulk of what you went with. No doubt people with outbuildings and suchlike can spare the space to store their unwanted belongings for the next sale, but I don't have that luxury, or patience.

I've posted the crockery (and a pair of curtains, incidentally) to Freecycle and we'll see what comes of it. If Mum's experience is anything to go by, they'll be snapped up before I've finished typing this post.

What if Mr Ed couldn't really talk?

2007-10-02T00:33:00.000+01:00

There was an item in the paper over the weekend 'exposing' Nigella Lawson for not actually filming her TV programme in her actual house, and not taking an actual bus when she was pretending to. Shock horror! I can never look at TV in the same light. I'm going to start wondering what other lies and deceptions we've been hoodwinked with... Don't tell me:

Martin Sheen is not really the US President!

Ricky Gervais does not
really work in an office in Slough!

The Kumars don't really have a
TV studio at the back of Number 42!

Jack Bauer sleeps!

Honestly, leave Nigella alone. If her programme was meant to be factual and true-to-life, she'd be wearing a hairnet and blue plasters!

OK, I give in...

2007-10-02T00:23:00.000+01:00

...I've put the heating on. It's only a matter of time before I dig out the duvet and start wearing tights again. I won't wear tights in bed, though... I'm drawing the line there.

Picture this

2007-09-27T23:34:00.000+01:00

I don't often look at the bits and bobs on the Blogger Dashboard, but something caught my eye today.

Have you checked out Blogger Play?

I've just been sitting transfixed watching a slideshow of pictures that are currently being uploaded to Blogger. It felt slightly voyeuristic, but hey ho...

Magical evening

2007-09-27T22:30:00.000+01:00

We've just got home after seeing Slava's Snowshow in Woking.

It defies description and really is something to be seen and experienced for yourself. Slava is a clown, but if you're not a clown fan (I'm not), don't be put off. There are no exploding cars or pratfalls here. There is hilarity and pathos, enchantment and excitement, bewilderment and just sheer joy. You will never have seen anything like this before.

The show is currently touring the UK, but not for long. If you can, go and see it.

Before your very eyes

2007-09-26T14:26:00.000+01:00

As you know from my previous post, I have joined Slimming World having made the decision to once-and-for-all do something about my weight.

I need to 'go public' with this, so I keep motivated, but I don't want to turn this blog into a tedious record of the ups and downs (hopefully mostly downs!) of my weight loss 'journey'.

I don't even want to call it a journey, so forget I said that.

Anyway, I've started another blog here to record my progress and to log any thoughts on the process, if I have any.

Feel free, but not obligated, to drop by now and again.

Ducks in a row

2007-09-24T21:03:00.000+01:00

I've been concentrating on things elsewhere lately - trying to get some form of order in my life. I've been frustrated by the disarray in all areas of my world, so I decided to put things right. I've got a way to go yet, but I've made a good, positive start.

I thought I'd start with work. If I was on top of things in my job, that would take away a lot of the stress I've been feeling. Once I'd made that decision, it all went very smoothly. Coincidentally (or by fate...?), someone recommended a time management book to me, so I thought I'd adopt its principles. I like to have a system to follow. It doesn't really matter what the system is, but I like to have a set of rules. I've adapted them slightly for my own needs, but I'm no longer feeling overwhelmed and I've gone from a frightening 4,000 emails in my Inbox to emptying it every day. And to get myself a healthier work/life balance, I've been leaving my computer at work every day, hence the lack of blogging lately. I'm going to get back into the posting habit in my spare time, rather than using it as a procrastination technique. Good!

What next?

I have to take myself in hand, so I've joined a local Slimming World group. I had some success with Slimming World years ago, so I feel confident in the way it all works, but it still took me a good few weeks to psyche myself to decide to go. Then a few more to actually go. But a week in, it's all come flooding back - red or green days, 'a's and 'b's - and I'm happy that I've kicked my chocolate and snacking habits, and I've even stopped taking sugar in my tea. Not bad going.

Mum and I have resurrected our resolution to go for regular walks, and I'm going to make an effort to get out at lunchtimes. Just half an hour, three times a week, should be achievable, shouldn't it?

OK - I've told you all now, so I have to stick to it. I'll keep you posted on my progress (whether you like it or not!).

Next on the agenda is to get to grips with my domestic arrangements. I'm fed up with being fed up with my untidy house so, once again, I'm planning to follow a system. I'll give myself a few weeks to settle into my new eating and exercise habits, then I'll be on it...

So, if you're still with me, apologies for the dull post. I just needed to get all this stuff 'out there'.

Normal service will resume... Any time now.

See? No...

2007-08-17T23:46:00.000+01:00

You Are 24% Evil

A bit of evil lurks in your heart, but you hide it well.
In some ways, you are the most dangerous kind of evil.

How Evil Are You?

For art's sake

2007-08-15T21:57:00.000+01:00

I bought some new art when I was in Wales - a lovely watercolour of Newgale Sands by a local artist. A nice picture is my souvenir of choice when I visit somewhere I want to remember. However, now I'm running out of wall space and I've nowhere to hang my new acquisition. What to do? While I'm pondering my dilemma, let me share some of my pics with you...

Whilst sorting through some old, pre-digital photos it crossed my mind that it's a shame that all those old prints just sit in a box. I regularly see my favourite digital pictures as I have them as a screensaver on my computer. But I wanted to find a way of enjoying my photographs from before I had a digital camera. So, I found some nice (but cheap) frames and bought them in bulk. Then I put together a good cross section of pictures, from childhood holidays through to my last 35mm-film-photo-taking trip (to San Francisco in 2002) and put them up in aesthetically-pleasing groups around my flat.

On that same San Francisco trip, whilst wandering around downtown, a colleague and I happened across an art gallery. We dared ourselves to go in and look around, safe in the knowledge that everything in the place would be out of our price range, considering the window display consisted of Warhols and Liechtensteins. Real ones.

Almost immediately we were joined by a salesman. (I'm sure that in a fancy art gallery they don't have salesmen - they are probably Consultants or Executives or Directors - but he was there to sell us art...) His name was Barry and he was one of the most friendly and personable people who are trying to take large amounts of my money that I've ever met. He gave us a tour of the gallery, wowing us with Picassos (Picassoes?) and Chagalls, describing the works, giving us some history, taking down any pictures we showed even an inkling of a liking for and displaying them for us in a specially lit viewing room. When I said I'd have to remortgage my house to buy the cheapest thing I'd seen so far, he said "So what? If you love it, it's worth it!". Well, the truth was that I hadn't loved anything I'd seen. Until...

On a small wall there was a display of miniature paintings that just captivated me. "How much are these?" said I - I couldn't take my eyes off them. "You're going to be sorry you asked." said he - he'd got me! They were prints of watercolours by Fanny Brennan and they were entrancing. At first glance, they look like small landscapes. But on closer inspection you see that they're slightly surreal. I umm-ed and aah-ed and said that I would have to give it some thought. But I wanted some and I would be back. The next day I went out with another colleague to help him choose sunglasses, in return for him helping me to choose art. Just like the true friend he was to become, he talked me into it. I bought 2 of them. Barry packed them up for me and when I got them home I found he'd included a book of Brennan's work that's a work of art in itself. That's how I got me a dealer!

About a year later I bought some more. So now I'm a collector! I called Barry and he arranged for them to be framed the same as the others and shipped over. It took a while, but when they were delivered they arrived in an actual wooden crate that had to be opened with a crowbar! That was an expensive business, though. The shipping costs were reasonable, but the freight company's storage and Customs clearance fees meant that it would have been better value for me to have bought a return ticket to San Francisco and gone and got them myself. I'll know next time. Anyway, of course my collection takes pride of place in the living room. Here's four-fifths of it...

Also in my living room are some photos that I'm rather proud of,...

... an original piece by Alan Brain, a tasteful picture of irises over the fireplace, and my angel in the corner.

Oh, and as I've run out of space, some of my more recent photographic efforts have to live on the fireplace until I work out how to fit them all on the walls...

Other holiday souvenirs include the day- and night-time views of Rhossili Bay on the Gower in Wales that hang above my bed...

And some brass-rubbings that Thomas and I did at Bodiam Castle when we went to Kent this year (they can't stay propped on the radiator forever!)...

As I hate an empty wall, the bathroom's not exempt...

And neither's the kitchen...

I know what you're thinking - surely there's some space on that other wall in the hall? Nope...!

Rimmel Lasting Finish: 030 Dancing Queen

2007-08-13T21:59:00.000+01:00

For the first time in my life ever I have painted my toenails and finger nails to match.

I have never done that before. Ever.

I just wanted to share that with someone...

When Saturday came

2007-08-11T22:41:00.000+01:00

Today is the start of the football season. Not being a football fan myself, I'm not sure how you can tell - football never seems to go away - but I have my sources...

To mark the occasion, I spent the day sitting in the sun, reading and listening to my beloved iPod. I also managed to launder everything washable in the house that's not clothing: curtains, blankets, bedding, rugs, etc. So here I sit at the end of the day feeling relaxed and satisfied at my domestic endeavours.

I have a pale complexion, not prone to tanning. It's the same skin tone I've had all my life, so I don't know why I'm always surprised when I don't tan. I sat in the sun for a good number of hours today, and expected to come indoors glowing and healthy-looking. But, of course, the usual pale face looked back at me in the mirror when I went to check. Still, the vitamin D hit will have done me some good.

I read half a book and listened to a lot of Ben Folds (and his Five).

One thing I didn't manage to do was to buy a lottery ticket, so today will be the day that my numbers come up. I won't look, then I'll never know...

At this rate...

2007-08-09T23:03:00.000+01:00

Of course, it's important to be morally responsible when sharing thoughts with the ether, so I've checked out my blog rating...

Check with your parents before reading. I use the word "dead" 6 times, and "gun" twice. You have been warned.

Just finished reading

2007-08-08T19:20:00.000+01:00

A week of holiday meant a few books finished...

Poseidon's Gold

by Lindsey Davis

If you've read any of the Marcus Didius Falco books, you'll know what you're getting here. If not, and you enjoy detective fiction, give this a try. Falco is an Ancient Roman private investigator - a real twist on the standard 'whodunnit', with a lot of nice historical detail thrown in for good measure.

ooOOoo

A Dedicated Man
by Peter Robinson

If you've ever read any of the Inspector Banks novels, you'll know what you're getting here. In fact, you've probably read this one because it's one of the earliest that seemed to have passed me by. If not, this is more run-of-the-mill detective fare, but always enjoyable and never predictable.

ooOOoo

A Dying Light in Corduba
by Lindsey Davis

More Falco. This time he's in Ancient Spain investigating wrong-doings in the lucrative olive oil business.

Back in perspective

2007-08-08T18:59:00.001+01:00

I've had a holiday. Things look so much better now. Some of the stuff's even fixed!

Here's why my holiday in beautiful Pembrokeshire made me feel better:

Breathtaking views

Rocks to stand on

Beaches to comb

Splashes to make

So, further to my extended rant below, I'm now home to a working TV, a new Capote DVD and cut back trees (I left out the whole tree saga!). I've put a new battery in the smoke detector and filled the candle-lighter with gas. I still have to think about getting my oven fixed and have to track down the right clock battery, but the bit of my cooker that does work is fine for now, and I have another clock to tell the time by, for the time being.

And, relax...

Catalogue of disaster

2007-07-26T00:17:00.000+01:00

I'm overstating it, of course. And my plight doesn't nearly compare with all those poor folks who've been affected by the flooding over the last couple of weeks. But, really... There comes a point when I have to wonder if some kind of divine retribution is at work here. And clever retribution it would be too. A long list of minor inconveniences, one on top of the other, at a time when other people, not too far away, are experience major inconveniences, so complaining is churlish.

But I'm going to be churlish, because I feel like it. I'm grumpy, OK? And here's why: the last couple of weeks have gone like this...

1. My satellite TV card decided to disable itself. These things happen with Sky TV and, after phone them twice and going through the usual call centre rigmarole (press 1 for annoying message telling you that weather affects your reception; press 2 for 12 more options; etc.), I received a new card in the post and everything was back to normal.

then...

2. My broadband stopped working. Nothing I did would bring it back to life, so I thought we'd all sleep on it. No better. I unplugged everything, plugged it back in again. Nothing. I waited another day, unable to face the BT call centre rigmarole so soon after Sky. Just in case, I unplugged it all again, plugged it all back in and it worked. Hurrah!

then...

3. My water tank began to overflow. No big drama - it has an overflow pipe for this very reason. But the dripping is annoying, plus water wastage in the current climate is clearly unacceptable. And if it goes on too long I get white streaks down the wall. So my Dad offered to come and fix it for me. New washer. Bob's your uncle.

then...

4. My oven stopped working. It tripped the fusebox, and now the fan blows and the light comes on, but there's no heat. And heat's important in an oven. My cooker has a top oven, so I can use that. And all the other bits of it work. But it's not an old cooker and it's going to be hassle to get someone to fix it. Plus it might still have a warranty, but I need to look through all my unfiled paperwork to check.

then...

5. My phone line went dead. I went away last weekend and when I came home the phone was completely dead. Dead. I went online to report it (at work because, of course, without my phone line - no broadband...) but you can't just report a fault these days. Oh no! I had to check that it wasn't my equipment that caused the problem. If it was, and they sent an engineer, they would charge me a squillion pounds and I'd no doubt get a stern dressing down from a grumpy engineer. So they really don't let you report the fault until you've gone through a number of hoops to check that there really is a fault with their line. And, of course, I was scared to fib and pretend I'd jumped through said hoops, because an engineer would be quick to spot un-jumped-through hoops. Oh yes. So, I tested a variety of phones. Plugged things in, unplugged them, removed sockets to reveal secret other sockets, etc. And the line was still just as dead. Dead. So I phoned BT, went through the rigmarole, was told my call was important to them and they would be with me as soon as possible but I could ring back on Sunday if I liked (I didn't), told the nice lady my line was dead, the nice lady told me to do all the things I'd already done (and clearly didn't quite believe that I'd done them), so she booked an engineer to visit 2 days later. Which he did. And he fixed the line - their line, not mine, so no squillion pound bill, thank you very much. Phew!

But then...

6. My TV stopped working. Well, not the TV itself, but the reception. All of it. Analogue, digital, terrestrial, satellite, ethereal, everything. My neighbour had the same problem. Clearly the communal aerial/digital/dish thing had a fault. I ring the council. They deny all knowledge of a communcal aerial/digital/dish thing on the building (that they had put up just a couple of months ago) and suggested I ring Sky. I politely and calmly explained that all the TV wasn't working and that the aerial/etc thing was the council's responsibility. The man at the council who did know all about that kind of thing was out until the following morning, so my current man promised to send him an email so he could deal with it and call me back. He didn't. I called them and was told it had been reported to the contractors who would come and fix it "whenever they get round to it". That's an actual quote - "Whenever they get round to it". They haven't done it yet, so I've been 3 days without TV. That's about the same amount of time that people in Gloucester have been without running water, but at least they've been told when they might get it back.

Sigh...

7. No TV reception means I have to find other ways to entertain myself - like they did in the old days. I know! I'll watch the Capote DVD that I specially signed up to Amazon DVD rental for. Perfect. Nice cup of tea and a couple of biscuits. Start film. "Unable to read disc." No, silly, obviously you can read the disc... There you are! Scene 1. Scene 2. Scene 4. Scene 7. "Unable to read disc."

AARGH!

8., etc. My clock has stopped - it needs a new teeny tiny, can't buy it in the shops, battery. Of course it does. The blind in my kitchen has come down. I just need to find my staple gun to fix it. I don't know where my staple gun is. My candle lighter is out of gas. My gas is out of gas. I need to buy a new can of gas.

All of these simple things are now beyond me, as I have lost the will to do everyday chores. Just one more thing is likely to push me over the edge. It could be a blown light bulb or some spilt milk. Anything. I'm going on holiday on Saturday and, by golly, I need it. I just hope I don't break Wales...

If you're still with me, I thank you for your fortitude and hope that this post finds you with only trivial irritants and no real disasters to upset you.

Just finised reading...

2007-07-25T20:05:00.000+01:00

Pies and Prejudice

by Stuart Maconie

I always enjoy listening to Stuart Maconie on Radio 2, with Mark Radcliffe, so I thought I'd give his book a go.

It's part travelogue, part history, part love story. He never preaches about how great it is up North, nor how soft us Southerners are. Nor does he paint the North as grim. He tells it as he finds it, with a few historic embellishments and some anecdotes to add colour.

I felt educated by this book and was left with a desire to read up on some of the more interesting bits, and to make a point to follow in some of his footsteps.

Showing my ignorance

2007-07-19T13:28:00.000+01:00

I'm not sleeping well lately - I don't know why, but let's put it down to stress, as this seems as good a reason as any...

The upside is that I'm getting a lot of reading done (in between the nodding off, dropping my book, ah this must be sleep, turn off the light, lie staring at the ceiling for half an hour, give up and do it all again).

While I was reading last night I came across two things I don't know: where is the Sargasso Sea, and what does sinecure mean? Normally I'll just pretend that I know and move on. But this time I thought I'd remember those things and find them out. That way, I'm bettering myself, right? So today I've learnt two new facts, but whether I'll still know them in a few weeks time is another question...

The Sargasso Sea is in the middle of the North Atlantic.

Sinecure means (in the context in which I read it) a position or office that requires little or no work but provides a salary.

Tell me your newly-gained knowledge and we can all benefit from this shared wisdom.

8 things I know about me

2007-07-13T13:27:00.000+01:00

Thanks for the tagging, PT. Just like Mum, you've already tagged my potential taggees, so I'm cheating, but I'll divulge the habits and facts, just because I like lists.

1. Fact: I like lists. They are rarely of any use, but they make me feel like I'm organised. I'm not.

2. Habit: Picking and scratching and other nastiness. My tedious skin issues mean that I am constantly itchy and scabby. It's horrible and the thing I'd like to change most about myself.

3. Fact: I was born on the exact same day as Ice Cube.

4. Habit: I have a slight obsessive compulsive thing about making sure my doors are locked at night. There's a ritual I have to do or I can't sleep.

5. Fact: I'm scared of the dark.

6. Fact: I accidentally (honest!) shoplifted the book of the film of Ghostbusters, from John Menzies in Staines. The shop's not there any more, so I think I got away with it.

7. Fact: I can't wear bright green. Or orange.

8. Habit: I procrastinate. In order to finish this, I had to go and get hot chocolate and a cookie, look at Facebook and check my email.

Just finished reading...

2007-07-09T11:54:00.000+01:00

In Cold Blood
by Truman Capote

Well, what can I say? It's a classic, isn't it? (I know it is, it says so on the cover - "Penguin Classics".) This has been on my 'should read' pile for quite a while now, and I'm glad I finally got round to it. I've wanted to see the film (Capote) for ages now, but I really wanted to read the book first.

In Cold Blood is Capote's analysis of a truly gruesome crime that took place in Kansas in the '50s. The book was hugely controversial on its release in 1966 and not surprisingly, since Capote seeks to humanise and understand the perpetrators of this apparently motiveless crime. However at no point does he sympathise with, or apologise for, their actions - he tells it like it is, giving you the facts and letting you make up your own mind. At the same time, you will get to know the victims and the investigators, and a number of other characters affected by the murders. Capote never makes judgements here (quite a feat considering how involved he became with the central players), but he leaves it to the reader to draw conclusions about the issues addressed.

Important things I have to get done this weekend

2007-07-06T17:36:00.000+01:00

1. Some washing. I'm out of clean, normal knickers. Today I'm wearing fancy, 'only for best', 'hold it all in' knickers. Just on a normal day. It's not right and it must never happen again. My solution will doubtless be to buy more normal knickers, rather than just doing my washing more often...

2. Sort out my mortgage. I'm on the standard variable thingy, which can't be good. I'm sure I can get a better dea... zzz... zzz... Nope - I'm just as bored writing about it as I am thinking about it.

3. Nothing else. That's it. That's all the important stuff I'm going to think about this weekend. I haven't even got to worry about understanding what's going on in Doctor Who.

Oak-ey dokey

2007-07-01T00:39:00.000+01:00

The Woodland Trust has launched the Ancient Tree Hunt, which reminded me that I had intended to write about the ancient oak tree that I can see from my kitchen window.

The Crouch Oak is a local landmark, lending its name to the road on which it stands, and a pub in the centre of the town. As a child I was led to believe that King Henry VIII sheltered from the rain beneath it whilst out hunting as, in those days, Windsor Great Park stretched out this far and Addlestone was just another bit of the King's back garden.

Of course, it wouldn't have been the only tree in this part of the park, and the idea that anyone would really know precisely which tree kept the King dry, or even whether he rode out to here, is somewhat far-fetched. But the story certainly made me look at the tree in awe at the time, and still does, when I very occasionally stop to look at it at all.

I've just 'Googled' it and, after scrolling through the many results for the pub, have found out that the tree was said to have marked the boundary of the park, and local legend has it that Elizabeth I had a picnic beneath its branches. Either my memory or Chinese whispers has distorted the story over the years...

It was apparently long known as Wycliffe's Oak, after the medieval scholar John Wycliffe, who is said to have preached there. Rev. Charles Spurgeon definitely preached there in 1872, resulting in another name for the tree: Spurgeon's Oak.

The tree is though to be almost 1,000 years old. A new oak was planted close by in 2000. It's been called the Millennium Oak, and I like to think that in 1,000 years another oak will be planted - but what will they call that one?

Just finished reading...

2007-07-01T00:28:00.000+01:00

Looking Good Dead

by Peter James

Peter James tells a good story, keeping you gripped to the very end. Not necessarily for the faint-hearted - one scene actually made me put down a bacon sandwich (and that doesn't happen often!) - but a tense and thrilling read.

And so to Bath

2007-06-30T23:50:00.000+01:00

So, to continue my holiday boasts/posts, here's a snapshot of snapshots from my recent short break in Bath.

The beautiful Abbey, outside...

... and in...

A pair of pretend-Roman pins at the baths...

The actual hot spring (see the bubbles?)...

Pulteney Bridge and the weir...

The Royal Crescent...

And on our way home, we stopped off to look at the stone circle at Avebury...

Holiday Past...

2007-06-30T16:19:00.000+01:00

Back in Easter, we went for a 'quick getaway' break to Kent - Mum and Dad, Thomas and I. Just an hour's drive away, so if we'd forgotten to pack anything, we could just pop home and get it. But away is away, right?

So, family holiday...

(Thomas has since had his hair cut, thank goodness!)

We started off with a wander around Westerham, via the graveyard...

Then on to our hotel in Hever...

Off to Bodiam Castle...

With its many steep spiral staircases...

The weather stayed fine for us all week - Spring in the Garden of England...

A day at Hever Castle, childhood home of Anne Boleyn and once owned by the Astors...

Thomas braved the water maze (hint to avoid the hordes: get there early and make this your first stop)...

...and got nice and wet...We visited Groombridge Place, with its wonderful Enchanted Forest...

... birds of prey...

... and peacocks galore...

A day in Dover, though no bluebirds...

The castle is well worth a visit (and if you go, be sure to take the tour of the secret wartime tunnels to see the other side of those famous white cliffs)...

We were lucky enough to be there when they'd laid on some great entertainment (look closely, there's a fire-eater in there somewhere)...

Our last day, and more history at Battle Abbey...

Have you seen the weather?

2007-06-29T11:42:00.000+01:00

I'm glad I'm not out in it...

On reflection

2007-06-28T16:55:00.001+01:00

There comes a point (doesn't there?) when we ask ourselves "What's it all about?". I do. Quite often. I usually don't have an answer. Deep down, I'm a shallow thing. My needs are relatively simple, and I don't ask for much (fortunately...).

I don't know about you, but I find myself where I am quite by accident. My life hasn't gone the way it's gone through any kind of planning: it's just worked out that way. Thinking about it, the number of major life decisions I've consciously made can probably be counted on the fingers of one hand (and even then, I won't need the thumb or all of the fingers).

Big things happen, of course they do, but thankfully not too often. It's the little things that I prefer to focus on - the things that make me smile, make me cry, make me glad to have been there...

This week, those little things include:-

Thomas, riding to school on his bike, on his own, for the first time. We'd had a 'dry run' where I met him part of the way, just to check he's OK. But on Tuesday, I got him across the nasty road in front of our flat and he was off. I wasn't meeting him at the school gates - he was on his own. I admit I cheated and pulled over to the side of the road on my way to work to see that he was doing fine, but he didn't see me, so it didn't count. He had the biggest grin on his face: FREEDOM! I continued on my way with a big smile and tears pouring down my cheeks!

At work, we have a lake next to our building, and we have a flock of Canada geese that hang out there, doing their thing. At this time of year there are loads of them. Probably a couple of generations of adults, and all their new offspring, pretty big by now, but still unmistakably young and fluffy. I arrived at work the other day, parked the car and noticed that there were about 50 geese grazing on a patch of grass next to the lake, adults and juveniles all mixed together. Just as I stepped out of my car the heavens opened and it poured with rain. And the geese, as one, started running. If they'd had newspapers and opposable thumbs they'd have been covering their heads. It was comical to see this great flock of geese running to get out of the rain. And where did they run to? The lake - they were running to get wetter! What's that all about?

Suffering from a cold (again!), I arrived home last night, changed into cosy pyjamas and snuggled up on the sofa, under a warm blanket, to watch daft TV and snooze. Thomas brought me Diet Coke and the TV remote. How lucky am I to live in a safe, warm, comfortable flat, with a son who understands his mother's priorities so well.

Just finished reading...

2007-06-20T09:34:00.000+01:00

Love and Dr Devon
by Alan Titchmarsh

The latest easy-to-read novel from Uncle Alan (our favourite TV gardener). It's a quick, but compelling read - surprisingly, quite a page-turner.

Following the travails of three friends who meet every Friday to play dominos in their local pub. But there's more to their sedate lives than meets the eye...

This isn't great literature, but this Mr T knows how to tell a good story.

Theatrical Contrasts

2007-06-13T20:23:00.000+01:00

On Saturday I had the privilege of watching Ottershaw Players' production of Whose Life Is It Anyway? at the Rhoda McGaw Theatre in Woking. I'm no drama critic, but this was one of the most enthralling productions I have seen. In a strong cast, the 'stand out' (excuse the pun!) performance was from Graham Collier, playing Ken Harrison - a man paralysed from the neck down, fighting for his right to a dignified death. Graham's skill in conveying the pain - and the humour - of his situation, whilst only able to move his head, was mesmerising. He made me laugh and moved me to tears. The 'fully mobile' supporting cast complemented Graham's performance perfectly.

On Tuesday, whilst on my mini-holiday in Bath, I went to see a professional production of Noël Coward's Hay Fever at the city's Theatre Royal. What a contrast! Stephanie Beacham over-acted (as demanded by the role) magnificently. Christopher Timothy wore a bad wig. And the more good-looking but less successful brother from Butterflies stiffened his upper lip admirably throughout. It was a very entertaining couple of hours with no tugs on the conscience, or moral dilemmas to wrestle with.

Friends, lend me your ears

2007-06-11T22:17:00.000+01:00

Pretending to be some kind of jet-setter (hardly...), I'm writing this on a hotel computer on the outskirts of Bath. Me and my friend Jessica decided that we needed a holiday. Thomas is away for a week with the school, so we're taking advantage of the 'freedom' and sneaking away for a girlie break.

We've done some learning (the tour of the Roman baths), some shopping (natch!) and some snooty tea-taking in the Pump Room - all sandwiches with the crusts cut off and teeny tiny cakes. It's not all been plain sailing, though: English Breakfast or Earl Grey? Decisions, decisions! Oh, and we've only been here a day and we're exhausted already!

So, random musings of the week are as follows:-

1. Thomas is off on his first 'proper' trip away from home, for which he made his own decisions (mostly) about what to pack, and he carried his own bag to the coach. My feelings of excitement at having the week to myself to do whatever I please were minimal. I'm missing him like mad, of course, but I think the 'all growed up' aspect of the trip is what's tugging at my heart-strings. Somehow I feel that he'll come back a different person (in a good way) and that something will be gone. It's hard to put into words, but I know all you parents of grown-up kids will understand. And you parents of little-ones know that the day will come someday. However, I'm hoping that his new-found maturity, which comes with the application of hair gel and deodorant, will also accompany a fondness for bringing his beloved mother a nice cup of tea in bed on a Sunday morning! Yeah, right...!

2. All I'm really looking for in life is a comfortable chair. It's not a lot to ask, surely, but when you're staying in a hotel that doesn't have a single one, it's suddenly the be-all and end-all.

3. When there are four items on the dessert menu, you would expect the waitress to know the difference between the cheeseboard and cheesecake!